Random Thoughts

A much needed quote

2010-06-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours." Ayn Rand

Today I'm grateful for friends that post inspiring quotes at just the moment I need to receive the message. (thanks sis)

running

2010-06-04T16:42:00.001-07:00

today i'm grateful for how going for a run can clear my head and make me feel better

knowing my boundaries

2010-06-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

today i'm grateful for knowing my boundaries and being in a relationship that has taught me what they are and what i'm willing to compromise on that still allows me to feel loved, safe & secure.

i know i still have work to do to learn to let that happen in a way that doesn't make me feel taken advantage of and like i'm just getting the crumbs but i have to learn if i want to be in this relationship. and i have to have a partner that wants to love me and hear me and protect me and reassure me that *i* am the partner that she wants every day of her life regardless of what else there is.

adjustments in approach

2010-06-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

I've read 2 things in the last 24h that have awaken in me the possibility that adjusting my approach to life and relationship has the possibility of bringing me more joy and love than ever imagined.

"As we become more and more willing to let go of what is negative and destructive in our lives, we begin to find that we have the strength and courage to do what we need to grow in a positive direction. Grow in who you are."

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

I know how those affect my life and my approach my current struggle/situation. I'll leave them there without explanation so you can make your own assessments for your life.

so today i'm grateful for . . . being open to the knowledge and enlightenment that the universe presents you with to get you through the hard times and build a foundation for better times

getting out of bed

2010-06-01T09:47:00.001-07:00

today i'm grateful that i was able to get out of bed

Inner strength

2010-05-31T14:40:00.001-07:00

I hope I have the inner strength to get through this

So today I'm grateful for . . . A strong support system to remind to take care of myself first & foremost
Sent from my BlackBerry®

the small stuff

2010-05-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

have been thinking a lot about the small stuff and how to be grateful for it on a daily basis. i've realized that i can plan all i want about how i want my life to be but that i really need to learn to let go of the *planning* and be more focused on the the good parts of my life rather than on the things i'd rather be different. all things being equal, my life's pretty fucking amazing and i have an amazing partner and relationship that is incredibly fulfilling. sure there are things that could be better but if i can focus on the good and the goal of a stronger relationship then it will be easier to work towards making them what i'd like them to be rather than how i don't want them to be.

so today i'm grateful for . . . the small moments i get to share with my family and the woman i love

so it's been awhile . . .

2010-05-27T09:21:00.001-07:00

it's been quite a while since my last post as life has taken over and change has been afoot. the last year and a half have been the best and the hardest of my life personally & professionally but i'm still here to get out of bed every day & put one foot in front of the other.

i was reading facebook this morning and someone posted this question: If you could magically change one thing about yourself what would it be?

my response was that i wished i could just relax into life and learn to trust that what is supposed to happen will happen as opposed to trying to make it be what i want exactly when i want it. this has always been an issue for me and is interestingly the part of myself that i find hardest to reconcile and let go of in my personal life especially given that this trait is what makes me successful in my professional life. it's an interesting oxymoron and one that causes lots of internal strife for me.

but after a few other people responded to this question, someone wrote: I have to say that I want to do a better job of acknowledging being grateful EACH day for some of the most obvious things in life: health, family, friends and love.

it reminded me that i used to end each blog post with something i was grateful for and found myself coming here immediately to write *this* post. so here i am recommitting to documenting something each day that i'm grateful for to remind myself that life is good and that the universe will take care of me as it sees fit as long as i manifest what i want and trust that it will come to me if it is supposed to do so.

so today i'm grateful for . . . still having the most amazing love of my life wake up in arms

YES, WE DID!

2008-11-05T11:47:00.000-08:00

i'm still in a state of shock mixed with an overwhelming sense of relief. i am still stunned to say that i live in a country that has elected (by an overwhelming majority in both popular and electoral votes) a black president. i look forward a time of healing to make amends for the divisive politics of the last 8 years. i have a huge amount of respect for the graciousness of mccain's concession speech. but obama's speech was just awe-inspiring. (in case you missed it, watch or read it again) i had goosebumps the whole time he was speaking. i am pleased that he acknowledged that change will not come immediately. his ability to set expectations and keep the momentum will be pivotal to his success.

on a sad note, 3 more states decided that i shouldn't be allowed to marry my partner. boo hiss!

so today i'm grateful for . . . the chance to believe and hope again

big news . . .

2008-10-27T12:25:00.001-07:00

From 1134 Listing Pics

so the house sold! i signed closing papers this am and it should all be recorded/funded by wednesday. what a relief! now mac and i can focus on our house and getting that to be what we want it to be.

thought i'd share the news.

today i'm grateful for . . . an 11th hour offer that was close enough to get the house off my hands and a great gf that made it look great enough to sell

Food ...

2008-10-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

so a friend of mine recently posted this and i had to do the same. mac says i talk about food the way people talk about politics (which i do with some passion too as anyone who's watched a debate with me can tell you ... thank you bd!)

Here’s what I did for the Omnivore’s Hundred:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese (flesh of a boar)
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root Beer Float
36. Cognac with big cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried Goat
42. Whole insects I really cannot see why this is on this list????
43. Phaal - Indian Curry dish - I’ve had curry but not a traditional curry dish, I would say
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu (japanese dish, it’s a pufferfish.. no way, no-how)
47. Chicken tikka masala - Ry and I are on the hunt to find and try… hopefully soon.
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi - japanese pickled sour plum, apparently good for whatever ails you, especially a hangover.
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frog’s Legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost - Brown cheese from Norway -
75. Roadkill - Now that’s just silly
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake -

So Here’s what I did for Slashfood’s Top 100:

Slashfood’s 100 must-eat American foods

1. New York pizza
2. Hoppin’ John
3. New Mexico green chile
4. Homemade buttermilk biscuits
5. Tasso
6. Whole Main Lobster
7. Calabash-style shrimp and hushpuppies
8. Kansas City barbecue ribs
9. Hot glazed Krispy Kreme
10. San Diego fish tacos
11. Cheese curds
12. Key lime pie
13. Philly Cheese Steak
14. Memphis pork BBQ sandwich
15. Lowcountry boil
16. Huckleberry pie
17. New England clam chowder
18. Boiled Peanuts – makes me homesick to think about …
19. Buffalo burger
20. Eggs Benedict
21. Pastrami on rye
22. Corned beef and cabbage
23. Pancakes with maple syrup
24. Everything bagel with cream cheese and tomato
25. Thin Mints (preferably frozen)
26. Frito pie
27. Potato knish with mustard
28. Silver Queen corn on the cob
29. Soft pretzel from a street cart
30. Fresh-picked blueberries
31. Sourwood honey
32. State fair funnel cake
33. Chesapeake crab cakes
34. Candied yams
35. Oyster dressing
36. Snow cone or snowball
37. Wild Alaskan salmon
38. Sautéed morels
39. Persimmon pudding
40. General Tsao’s Chicken
41. Frozen custard
42. Italian sausage with peppers and onions on a hoagie bun
43. Chili dog
44. Buffalo wings with blue cheese
45. Spam musubi
46. Saltwater taffy
47. Fluffernutter sandwich on Wonder Bread
48. Black and white cookie
49. Frybread
50. BLT with thick-cut applewood bacon
51. Baked beans
52. Pumpkin pie
53. Collards with vinegar and Tabasco
54. Tex-Mex fajitas with skirt steak and sautéed peppers
55. Fried green tomatoes
56. Succotash
57. Shrimp and grits
58. Hot water cornbread
59. Barbecue chicken pizza with red onions
60. Chicken fried steak
61. Carnitas burrito
62. Apple butter
63. Geoduck
64. Soft-serve ice cream cone dipped in chocolate shell (especially Dairy Queen)
65. Pecan pie
66. Catfish supper at a church or firestation
67. Oysters Rockefeller
68. Homemade cranberry sauce
69. Pimiento cheese
70. Moon Pie washed down with R.C. Cola
71. Pickled watermelon rind
72. Cracker Jacks at the ball game
73. Smithfield ham
74. Meatloaf and mashed potato blue plate special at a diner
75. Chicken and waffles
76. Po’Boy
77. Green bean casserole with French’s fried onions
78. Stuffed sopaipillas
79. Turducken
80. Shad roe on toast
81. Sweet potato casserole with or without marshmallows
82. Cioppino
83. New York cheesecake
84.Pan-fried river trout
85.Jambalaya
86. North Carolina pig pickin’
87. California rolls
88. Burgoo
89. Penuche fudge
90. Fried peanut butter and banana sandwich (the Elvis)
91. Scrapple or livermush
92. Elk medallions in red wine reduction
93. Muscadine grapes
94. Cheeseburger at backyard barbecue
95. Open-face turkey sandwich
96. Burgoo Chicago deep dish pizza
97. Cobb salad
98. Peach pie a la mode
99. Macaroni and cheese with Tilla - mook sharp cheddar
100. Root Beer Float

now most people know i'm a food hound. i love to cook, shop for food, talk about food, read about food, you name it. so it should be no surprise that this list looks like it does.

enjoy ... pass it along. and for pete's sake, eat something!

so i know it's kinda ridiculous but . . .

2008-09-18T11:16:00.001-07:00

life's been a little nuts. we've spent that last few months settling into the new house and doing some improvements. we're finally getting the yard to where we'd like it and even had a housewarming party a few weekends ago. work's been absolutely nuts and i have a *huge* project going live one week from today. yeah, i know ... and we're still scramblin' to get it done.

this past week we went to tampa for my mom's big 50th birthday celebration. mac got to meet the whole fam damily! as expected, they loved her and she seemed to come out unscathed. it was very nice to be able to show her where i grew up and what schools i went to and have her experience my grandmother's cooking. i think she's got the full picture now and still seems to want to stick around. yay! i get to go meet her mom in a few weeks and we're hoping it goes as well.

we hit our 1 yr anniversary last week before we left. i can't believe it's been that long and it also seems ridiculously short given all that's happened in the last year. i could never have predicted that we'd be where we are today back then but i guess that's part of the good stuff. it took us both totally by surprise and it's been a very nice ride so far.

the house still sits on the market. i'm about to pull it off & rent it. i need to start making the $$ stretch a bit more and just can't afford to have it sit empty any longer. anyone know of someone looking to rent a cute house send 'em my way pls.

so today i'm thankful for . . . an amazing year with an amazing woman and a great life to boot

my newest love . . .

2008-06-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

so this morning after a short night of sleep we were awakened by the delivery guys bringing our new range. isn't she pretty? i know, i know. only a total nerd would be excited at 730 in the morning when someone brings a new range. we've been debating about getting a new one since we moved into the new house. there was a new one there but we didn't like it. it was huge and just not *us*. so when it turned out that mac's house needed a new range, we decided to get ourselves the one we wanted and take the one in the new house over to her place. worked out nicely given that we finally sold our wolf cooktop and wall oven we'd bought at christmas. they were beautiful and our *dream* appliances. we found a slamming deal on 'em on craigslist and took a gamble and just bought 'em. turns out there was no way to configure the new kitchen to accommodate them so we had to sell 'em. got our $$ back out of 'em and spent 1/3 on the new range. it's so pretty. this to go along with the new dishwasher we got at best buy the other day.

in other news, my house seems to be getting a good amount of traffic. we'll see what happens. we had an open house last weekend and will have another sunday the 22nd. mac's house is minutes away from being done. the renters move in on thursday . . . yes, *this* thursday. it's really coming together. we're looking forward to being able to focus on our place and start to get settled in here soon. it's been very nice to be able to enjoy doing all these projects together. we just laugh at all we've accomplished and still managed to have fun while setting a kitchen sink at 3 in the morning!

so today i'm thankful for . . . a beautiful house to share with a beautiful woman

i feel so untalented . . .

2008-06-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

check this kid out . . .

he's pretty amazing for a 2YO.

the house is officially on the market . . .

2008-06-03T17:21:00.001-07:00

so the house got officially listed yesterday (ML#8054351) and today was the broker's open. good reviews and the house is already being shown. phew! let's hope for the best.

thought i'd share the good news.

so today i'm thankful for . . . a great real estate agent and a great stager

it's done! . . . well almost

2008-05-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

so we've got the house *done* enough to list. check out the pics. mac did an amazing job of designing this complete remodel. i couldn't have done it without her. as many of you have read, we started this project in the first week of march and, although we - ok well, *i*, have a few things to finish up it looks like we're ready to list the house. yay!

here are some pics of the finished project - i'll post here later when the house is listed so everyone can send it to all their friends & family to find a buyer! i'd love to keep the house *in the family* so to speak ... just too cool of a house to let go of completely. we've put a lot of heart & soul into this project. would hate to see someone come in & destroy the house.

anyways ... on that note ... here are the pics:

today i'm gratefule for . . . an amazing experience

big news . . .

2008-05-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

so big changes are a-foot . . . what else is new, right? well, the big news is that mac and i bought a house together and we've moved in. my house is days away from being finished and listed by our fabulous real estate agent and mac's house seems to have rented. we moved in last weekend and are doing our best to settle in as we split our time working on our respective places. the new house is very cool and has a great story. it's only a few blocks from each of our current homes so it's nice to stay in the 'hood. we found it while out on a dog walk one night. mac will tell the long-winded story that makes me look bad but i'll keep it short and say i wasn't pleased to be walking as far as we ended up walking that cold rainy late night. but in the end it all worked out since we, in fact, now the owners of that cute house we happened upon. it's a super-cute 1924 bungalow that has only been owned by 3 families (including us). it was built along with the house next door by a brother and sister with their families in the middle of what was an apple orchard then. most of our neighbors have lived there since before i was even born so it's nice to live on an established block. the dogs seem to be working out their issues in a new space which is nice to see as well. i promise to post some pics soon and for those of you that are local, i'm sure the summer bbq season will be happening very soon.

in other happenings, mac and i took the opportunity to get away for the weekend for some much-needed r&r/quality time. my officemate was nice enough to take the pug for the weekend and boo came along for the ride. a friend of mine scored me *fantastic* seats to the storm home opener and we had a blast at the game. drove up on saturday and explored some of mac's old neighborhoods after having lunch at red mill burgers. after a quick stop at the hotel to shower and drop off the dog, we headed over to the kingfish cafe for a cocktail then off to key arena for the game. one of mac's friends met us for the game and then we headed back to the kingfish for dinner. we had a brief heart attack when boo was nowhere to be found in the hotel room upon our return. turns out he'd been a bit of a noisy nelly and they'd taken him to hang out at the reception desk. he was in his glory and just having a ball. we enjoyed a lazy morning on sunday before heading to meet some of mac's friends for brunch at a mexican place in the fremont 'hood (forgive me for not remembering the name). then headed back to portland.

we're already making plans for our next trip up so we can go to another game and check out the "American Sabor: Latinos in U.S. Popular Music" exhibit at the experience music project. all in all, it was a great weekend and has been a whirlwind of a couple of weeks. the work has been hard but the house is coming out great and our new house is amazing already. we are so pleased.

today i'm grateful for . . . an amazing partner which whom i get to share a home and many adventures

today's distraction . . .

2008-04-24T13:43:00.000-07:00

happy popping!

no i'm just drunk . . .

2008-04-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

i'll post more about the trip & being home soon but just had someone send this to me and i had to share!

enjoy!

greetings from the land of mosquitos . . .

2008-04-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

so i'm finally back stateside although not quite home yet. i arrived in tampa, fl last night after a *long* day of traveling. my flight out of amsterdam was delayed by 4 hrs and that made me miss my connection in atlanta. so then i had the pleasure of sitting in hartsfield for another 3 hrs after going through customs. yay! luckily, in amsterdam i started talking to a cute older gay male couple that were also headed back to tampa. i ended up having dinner with them in atlanta and exchanging contact info. they had been together 23 yrs and were just plain adorable.

today i slept in a bit and got some laundry done and then had lunch with my grandparents before meeting my mom for a mani/pedi. my grandmother is hosting a family get-together on saturday evening so i can see the whole fam damily in one fell swoop. so far the guest list is at 30 . . . and that's just *immediate* family. did i mention i'm latin?

anywho, i'm pretty ready to be home. am counting the hours till sunday night. at least i'm back in cellphone range again and i've been able to talk to mac and send txts again. it's hot as hell here. i think it hit 90 today and of course the mosquitos are out in full force. i've been bitten 6x since i've been writing this post alone! ugh!

so today i'm thankful for . . . making it back safely and being able to go home soon!

almost home . . .

2008-04-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

today is my last full day in europe. have met up with the cooleys and the myers in amsterdam and have been having a great time. we're in a coffeehouse . . . actually our third of the day . . . warming up from the chill outside.

went to the anne frank house this am . . . what an awe-inspiring experience. there was a secondary exhibition in the museum called "free2choose". i'll do some research on it when i get back and post a link.

tomorrow i'll spend all day traveling back through atlanta to tampa. on sunday, i'll head all the way home to portland. not soon enough . . . have had a ball but am definitely ready to sleep in a bed for more than 2 nights in a row. and i can't even begin to describe how much i miss mac and the dogs.

today i'm thankful for . . . fun friends to travel with and a great trip.

the tour is finally over . . .

2008-04-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

so the tour is finally over and, while i had a good time, i am definitely ready for slower pace. the last few days have been quick and we have seen a lot but nothing i have really absorbed too deeply. the day in venezia was nice. the rain seemed to hold out for most of the day and we had a very charismatic city tour guide. we saw the highlights (the rialto, piazza san marco, il doges palace, did a gondola ride) but the highlighth has to be the guggenheim museum. i got to see my first kandinsky and pollocks in person and i cannot even begin to describe how amazing that was.

the next day we headed to lake como and did a cruise on the lake. the rain did *not* hold out that day and most of our cruise was rainy and foggy. we had a quick stop in bellagio for a coffee and then back on the boat and then the bus to our hotel. the tour planners had provided our tour directors with the wrong address for our hotel. so we had to backtrack up a very windy steep mountain to finally reach our hotel at approximately 9pm. it was worth it as we landed in a beautiful family-run hotel that held dinner for us. it was by far the best meal we had on the tour. the downside is that it made our trip to milan for the train approximately an hour longer than we'd expected. so the next morning, groggy and still raining, we headed back down the windy mountain road and hauled ass to milan. we literally *ran* for the train. we got our 27 ppl on board as the doors were closing. 5 hours later we arrived in rome.

the first night in rome we headed back into the city for a night bus tour. then did all the highlights with a city guide yesterday. the vatican was beautiful as was the colosseum and then the pantheon. we headed to the spanish steps then back to meet our group at the trevi fountain. we had dinner near the fountain and then headed back to the hotel as the rest of the group left around 4a today.

i hopped a shuttle from the hotel and then a train and then the subway and finally landed at my hotel around 1030am. luckily my room was ready. it's clean and seems safe enough so i can't really complain. i've spent the beautiful day roaming around at my own pace. found an irish pub and had to hop in (thinking of you ryan as i drank a guinness). am on my way to piazza navonna to get some lunch and just sit.

will try to post tomorrow when more internet cafes are open. head to amsterdam on tues and very much looking forward to some familiar and friendly faces waiting for me there.

i miss mac more than i can say. i've tried to call every day even if only for a few minutes. suki is back home with her and i'm missing her too.

today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that i'll be home in 7 days!

italy is amazing . . .

2008-04-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

so in the last two days, we've been to firenze and bologna. firenze was beautiful. we went to il duomo & the ponte vecchio. did some shopping and today we drove 6 hours to jesolo di lido just outside of venice. we stopped in bologna. we saw the oldest university ... the oldest building was built in 1088. have had some fantastic food and wine. have yet to have a bad glass of wine.

tomorrow we're heading venezia and doing a gondola ride. should be fun. the tour ends on sunday the 13th. then i stay in roma for another 2 days before heading to amsterdam.

today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that it stopped raining

greetings from cinque terre . . .

2008-04-06T05:16:00.000-07:00

so it is day 3 and we are in cinque terre. yesterday we left nice and made a stop in monte carlo, monaco for a few hours. we visited a parfumerie and then crossed the border into italia. we spent the night in sarzana and after dinner we went looking for the *disco bar* and instead found the bowling alley. it was full of teenagers and there was disco music playing but no dancing. we decided we should play a game. it was fun but i woke up this morning with a sore shoulder. well worth it tho.

this am as we headed out it was raining. felt like portland honestly. it did start to rain harder later but it has now cleared up and the sun is out. we are spending the afternoon here before heading back by train to la spezia to head to firenze tonight.

am having a good time but starting to get a bit tired of the pack mule/tour mentality. am definitely looking forward to 2 quiet days on my own schedule in rome.

have spoken to mac each day and am missing her like crazy. am looking forward to being home with her.

today i am thankful for . . . clearing skies and good seafood.

the eagle has landed . . .

2008-04-04T03:08:00.000-07:00

so i have landed in nice, france and it is a beautiful day. have already visited the museum of modern art and am off to kill 3 hours watching the waves roll in from the mediterranean. i could think of worse ways to spend an afternoon. my mom arrives with the rest of the group around 3p and we head to italy tomorrow. i called mac from the hotel this am to let her know i had landed safely . . . of course it took me 30 mins to figure out how to make a call but i worked it out.

more soon ... i will try to post as often as i can.

today i am grateful for . . . a beautiful day on the french riviera

we're ready for liftoff . . .

2008-04-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

so i leave for europe tomorrow. have been in tampa visiting family since tues am. has been good to catch up with folks and eat my grandma's food. i can't believe how *hot* it is down here. as soon as i got off the plane, it was like a wave of humidity smacked me in the face! how do people live here?

have been missing mac like crazy. the time is dragging and i don't know how i'll make it another 19 days! it'll be good for us i know but i missed her as i fell asleep last night.

am hoping to get internet access from europe so stay tuned for updates from my adventure!

today i'm thankful for . . . being able to make this trip.

dance . . .

2008-03-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

so i've been watching america's best dance crew on mtv lately. i know, i know . . . it's reality tv but i have been a huge fan of so you think you can dance since the beginning so it's not a stretch. i am just blown away by the talent out there. anywho, i was reminded last night about a guy who auditioned for last season's so you think you can dance that didn't make it but they brought him back for the finale anyway because he was amazing. at this point, i'm bummed because i *know* the next season of so you think you can dance will start while i'm gone. hope mac can figure out how to tivo it for me!

here's the video . . . enjoy. this performance made me fall in love with this song and i think of it every time i hear it!

be sure to tune in tonight to catch the finale of america's best dance crew ... you'll be amazed!

kitchen update #4 . . .

2008-03-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

the kitchen is coming along and i'm pleased to be able to see so much completed before i go. here's the next round of pics. the lower cabinets and pantry have been installed and the hardware is on them. the passthrough has been trimmed out from both sides of the opening. it looks great.

last night, mac stayed up till 130a getting a first coat of paint on the walls behind the upper cabinets as they get installed today. the color is fantastic! hopefully, the dishwasher will be in today too. the counter installers were out today making their template so that will go in while i'm gone.

the progress is great. am so excited to see so much done.

today i'm thankful for . . . a great designer/lover who can mix the perfect paint color from what she had lying around. now that's recycling!

kitchen update . . .

2008-03-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

so the kitchen is coming along nicely. here are some new pics of the work. the pass through has been completed and just needs trim and the drywall is up where the new cabinets will go. the contractor has run the wiring for the new lights and appliances. i can't believe how quickly so much has gotten done. the cabinets go in tomorrow and then it's gonna start looking real. they come to make the template for the counters on thursday am.

mac and i had a nice weekend. friday my office closed early for the easter holiday so i picked up my taxes and ran some errands. also got the good news that the girl who was interested in my car wanted to buy it. she'll be picking it up today. yay! that takes a weight off of me and puts some cash back in my bank account. phew! i ran by rei to use my dividend on travel stuff and then picked mac up at work for an ikea date. we got a few things for the house and then went home to make dinner. saturday i took her to work and then went home to get some work done on the office. i packed up my computer and spackled some holes in the wall so we can paint . . . or rather she can paint while i'm gone. saturday night we had a date to go see some roller derby. we ran into erock oslama and sat on the floor close to the action. was loads of fun but i'll definitely bring something to sit on next time! we went back to my place afterwards so she could see all the work that had been done and we took a soak in the hot tub. was nice to relax after a crazy week.

sunday am we had the opportunity to sleep in and then made breakfast at home before heading to my place to meet up with sarah to do more electrical work at my house. mac starting painting the trim in the bedroom and then we ran by the store to get munchies before hosting the girls for the last 3 episodes of the l word. last night was the season finale and we had a marathon viewing session. was fun. we finally fell into bed around 130a after cleaning up the kitchen and taking the dogs for a much-needed spin around the block.

woke up this morning rather anxious as the countdown is now down to a week to my departure. so much to do, so little time.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the good fortune i have with a great lover, good friends, and a bright future

tick tock . . .

2008-03-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

so the clock is ticking on my departure date and it's starting to get a bit overwhelming. the very thought of being away from mac for 3 weeks seems unbearable at the moment ... and then i have the thought of being away from my dog and it all becomes too much. i know it will be a blast once i get there but, to be honest, right now i don't even want to go.

on the house front, there's lots of activity. the floors have been installed. the orange marmoleum was a fantastic choice. it looks great and will look even better once the cabinets get installed on tuesday. then on thursday they come to make the template for the corian countertops. i won't see them installed before i leave but i'm sure the cabinets will make a huge difference. of course, if this were the only thing going on, the stress level wouldn't be so high but it's not! once we finish my kitchen, we'll be starting on mac's. we're suckers for punishment, i know. but hers needs it badly and we figure we'll be in practice.

the car has gotten some interest on craigslist and a woman came by last night to leave a deposit so she could take it to her mechanic today. am waiting for the phone to ring with her answer. it will be nice to have the $$ for the trip and house stuff. i love rosebud (my neighbor, wilson, named her - it fits) but i just can't justify owning a car when i drive all of 2,000 miles in 9 months . . . and that includes a trip to the coast! besides, the bike will get more action if i don't have a car to fall back on all summer. so keep your fingers crossed that her mechanic gives it his blessing and she buys it!

sunday is the season finale of the l word and the girls are coming over for a 3 episode extravaganza. great timing for me. i was worried i was going to miss the last episode. worked out nicely to move the yard sale to the following weekend. was just going to be too much.

almost forgot, we're going to see some roller derby this weekend. neither mac nor i had ever been so we got tickets and it's our big date night this weekend. should be fun. a full report will follow i'm sure so stay tuned.

been watching some march madness but not sure how much of the tournament i'll be able to see. my brackets are already shot so i'm not too bummed.

so today i'm thankful for . . . an early closure for the easter weekend at work (was a pleasant surprise to find that e-mail this am. gonna go pick up my taxes and run some errands ... lookout! i know how to have a good time!)

so i'm selling my benz . . .

2008-03-18T15:46:00.000-07:00

i only bought it about a year ago and i'm selling it. she's a beautiful 1979 Mercedes Benz 240D and i loved having her but i just don't need a car. i've put 2000 miles on it since i bought it last june. seems a bit ridiculous to keep a car for that minimal use. besides, the weather's getting better and it's time for the bike to get ridden. so if anyone knows of someone that might want it, point 'em my way . . .

the kitchen remodel trucks along. today we averted a minor crisis. i had neglected to order the marmoleum for the floors and we got a call at 8a from the floor installer that he'd gone to pick it up and they didn't have an order. oops! so we hustled down to linoleum city & ordered it. luckily, they had it in stock and we were still able to keep the appointment with the floor installer for today & tomorrow. otherwise, we'd have had to wait another 3 weeks to get another appointment. basically, we got lucky!

the cabinets are going in next tuesday and we've started to replace some lighting around the house. on sunday, my friend sarah came over to help me hang the new ceiling fan in the living room and remove that god-awful track lighting that was there. she's coming back on thursday to help replace the front & back outdoor lights. it's all coming together.

we're planning a yard sale next saturday to get rid of some stuff before i leave (which is 12 days from now - yikes!) am starting to look forward to the trip but also so buried that i've barely thought about how much fun i'll have once i get there. for now, seems like *really bad timing*.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the universe bailing me out on the floors and friends who are willing to pitch in & help me get this project done.

more remodel pics . . .

2008-03-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

day 2 at the kitchen remodel was productive. the walls came down to the lathe. the opening was cut in the wall (it will actually be bigger than in the pics). we also decided not to install the pantry cabinets in the back hallway and instead buy a nice baker's rack/commercial rack for that area.

today i'm thankful for . . . a great contractor who's willing to do a job right!

update . . .

2008-03-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

so last night i met up with my lil bro ryan at the mash tun. it'd been ages since i'd been in so it was nice to catch up and hang at the old bar. we enjoyed some concordia cream ales and had dinner. he's coming over on saturday to buy my kegerator. sadly, i'm getting rid of it because it's just taunting me now that i really shouldn't be drinking beer anymore. i know .... it sucks but it was fun while it lasted.

got home around 930 and set up the cable box and made some granola. i found some gluten-free rolled oats with my food club so it was nice to make it again. mac got home around 1030 after a shopping spree at kohl's with her friend. she found some great towels & accessories for my bathroom now that it's got a whole new color scheme (thanks to her painting it, of course). she found some great stuff for a great deal. we sat and had a cup of tea before turning in for the night.

today i had lunch with ames. we hadn't had a chance to catch up in a few weeks and it was nice to get out of the office. we headed to henry's for the usual (sharing a wedge salad and a sandwich). we have been planning our trip to europe and are looking forward to the wild times i'm sure will happen in amsterdam. yay!

work is busy but good. have my first site launch on the friday before i leave for 3 wks vacation. yikes! i really am enjoying the folks i work with as well as the clients. i'm glad i made the jump. definitely feels like the right choice.

so today i'm thankful for . . . good friends and good co-workers

i blame the parents for this . . .

2008-03-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

so my office mate sent me this ridiculous video. while the child is more ridiculous than any i've ever seen, i totally blame the parents for this monster.

so today i'm thankful for . . . having parents that gave me boundaries and made me appreciate gifts!

remodel pics . . .

2008-03-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

so all of this got done in one day . . . amazing! now the fun part begins . . . .

the kitchen remodel has begun . . .

2008-03-10T15:58:00.000-07:00

so the kitchen remodel officially started today. the contractor is there as we speak tearing out the cabinets & the floors. we had the floor installer come by on saturday am to measure and give us a quote. the cabinet installer comes tomorrow to do the same. the floors have been picked out, the cabinets have been chosen, and the countertops have been ordered. we've got the sink and range purchased and the lighting selected (with some purchased). i need to pick a range vent/fan and order the floors. at some point soon i'll go buy the dishwasher from lowe's but we're a ways out from that.

mac & i spent the weekend packing up my kitchen and getting her house ready for suki and i to descend upon. it's been fun and exhausting. yesterday was our 6 month anniversary and also the first night i'd *moved in*. it was nice serendipity that timing worked out that way. i brought some kitchen stuff over and packed other stuff away for revisiting later. we're planning a yard sale the weekend of march 22nd to get rid of some big stuff as we start to consolidate households. it's fun to plan a home together.

of course adding to all of this stress is that i leave for 3 weeks in, well, 3 weeks. i'm mildly relieved that i won't have to be here to witness/live through the mess but wish i could watch the transformation and feel bad that i'm leaving mac to deal with it all ... but i guess as a designer it's her forté to oversee a project without the client around. am starting to get excited about the trip (although i do wish the timing was better) and finally booked my hotel in rome over the weekend. it was the last straggling part of the itinerary i hadn't handled so i'm relieved i finally did.

work is good. am starting to settle in and am getting excited about my first site launching in late march . . . right before i leave of course. isn't that always the way? speaking of work, it's almost time to head out so i should get a few things wrapped up before i head home to see the house.

i'll post pics when i can so y'all can follow the progress with me.

today i'm thankful for . . . 6 months with an amazing woman who's willing to design my kitchen and put some sweat equity in

gotta love new yorkers . . .

2008-02-27T08:38:00.000-08:00

i wish i would have been in GCT to see this in person. this is great!

birthdays . . .

2008-02-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

so today's my 34th birthday. so much has changed since my 33rd birthday i don't even know how to comprehend it all. the last year has been about change ... almost more so than my 28th year of saturn return (wouldn't go back to that if you paid me!). i don't even know where to start at all the wonderful experiences i've had in the last year. and i can't even begin to think about how amazing the next year will be.

it's been a great day so far. mac made me breakfast before i had to head to work. a group of co-workers took me out to lunch. mac and i are due to go dancing tonight and tomorrow we head to manzanita to celebrate our birthdays. we are looking forward to getting away . . . despite all the work we have to do on the house. the contractor comes over tomorrow at 545p to give us a bid for the kitchen remodel. we're very anxious to get the project going. it would be ideal to get it done before i leave for europe but not sure if that will happen. the house is really coming together. the bathroom got painted last weekend and it looks fantastic. mac mixed a really buttery color and i'm very happy with the result. we're trying to get 2 hrs of house stuff done a day ... not always successfully but we're making the effort.

so today is my friend bd's wedding in nashville. she's marrying a great man (he's a pisces - you know how i feel about them) and i'm very happy for them ... so i'm sending a shout-out congratulations to them on their big day.

today i'm grateful for . . . a year's distance and the prospect of many amazing birthdays ahead shared with the love of my life.

the most wonderful feeling . . .

2008-02-15T10:12:00.001-08:00

last night was, by far, the most wonderful valentine's day ever! after a long day at work, i ran home to get my dog and some stuff to spend the night at mac's. i had to wrap her present and run by the store to grab a few items for dinner. the new seasons in concordia was *packed*! the flower line consisted of 15 guys scrambling for the last dregs of the flowers - was just too damn funny! i got some stuff for dessert and a bottle of patron silver and headed to mac's. as she opened the door, of course, the dogs had a scuffle and mac got caught in the crossfire. such a bummer because a) mac got hurt, b) it started the evening with a bang, and c) the dogs were starting to get along . . . or so we thought. luckily we cleaned mac's hand up & finished up dinner. i made the brownies & put 'em in the oven while we ate. before we sat down, we gave each other our cards & gifts. she made me a mix cd and put it on to listen to while we ate. it was beautiful and so well thought-out (as to be expected from my dj). as we ate, she sang to me and it was so sweet. she cried when she read my card and just gave me the sweetest hug ever. we had a nice dinner and listened to great music. after dinner, we took the dogs for a walk to the park and then had dessert when we got back home. was definitely one of the most romantic valentine's days ever. am looking forward to part 2 of our date tonight and so many more valentine's days in our future.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the pure love i feel for her and from her

love is in the air . . .

2008-02-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

what a beautiful day it has turned out to be. just had to post to celebrate the day ... i know it's an arbitrary holiday and that we should be giving love *every day* but still ... it's valentine's day. mac and i decided to postpone vday for a day and go out tomorrow. we've got tickets to see a play (federico garcía lorca's bodas de sangre) at the miracle theater and then go see some cuban music. melao de caña is playing at mississippi pizza pub. should be fun.

tonight we're in for a quiet night at home after a waterfront walk with the dogs ... the weather's too nice to be inside. hope y'all have a lovely *love* day ... here's a valentine for each of you ...

today i'm grateful for . . . the love of an amazing woman and the love of amazing friends

inspiration . . .

2008-02-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

this video was sent to me by a friend and i had to share. the inspiration that is created by barack obama is palpable. i still have not decided which candidate i plan to endorse or for whom i plan to vote but i had to pass this along . . . enjoy!

weekend report . . .

2008-02-04T13:16:00.000-08:00

was a quiet weekend overall but definitely productive. i made it through the first week at the new job and seem to be getting a handle on things so far. i know there's more to learn and i'm getting more thrown at me daily!

on friday after work, mac and i headed home to make dinner and watch a movie. i ended up falling asleep on the couch after a scrumptuous dinner of peanut chicken soup made by my lovely lady. mac had to work on saturday so i took some time to get some scheduling done for lacrosse. i think i'm almost done with the jv schedule and hope to get that out on wed. phew ... so ready for that to be done. we had plans for a date on saturday night and went to nostrana for dinner then over to crush for a cocktail. we had been debating a stop at gaycation over at holocene but the line was ridiculous so we skipped it in lieu of heading home to watch more of season 3 of weeds. i love that show and mac had never seen it so we got seasons 1 and 2 from netflix and got her all caught up. i think they must have changed writers this season because it's even funnier than before!

we had a lazy sunday morning and i decided i was going to try my hand at making gluten-free biscuits for breakfast. they turned out ok and i think i'll tweak the recipe next time to see if they'll rise more . . . although i think i might have had a hand in that since i opened the oven while they were baking. who knew you weren't supposed to do that? we were just getting motivated to leave the house when the hot water heater decided to start draining itself. after a visit from the plumber, the issue was resolved (just a valve needing to be replaced & not the whole water heater - phew!). we headed out to do some shopping at pier 1 and return some counter samples at home depot.

it was an l word night so we headed back to the house to get some food prepped before the girls came over. we watched 2 episodes and are finally caught back up. we decided that watching every week seemed like too much so we opted to host every other week and just watch 2 episodes back-to-back. seems to be working out and the crew is fun so we enjoy it.

now it's monday and i'm at the new job (blogging as i eat my lunch). am getting a new office mate today. she seems cool (as does everyone i work with so far) so we'll see how it all goes.

so today i'm grateful for . . . a nice quiet weekend that felt productive but still fun and a wonderful woman to share it with

no trip for me . . .

2008-02-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

just found out that i won't be making the trip to meet the new client on tuesday ... kinda bummed, kinda glad since it means i won't have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn for a 650a flight.

oh well, maybe next time . . .

new beginnings . . .

2008-01-30T09:22:00.000-08:00

so i'm on day 3 at the new job and trying not to be completely overwhelmed! the folks are very nice though and i have a nice office that i share with another sr. project manager and i can look out the windows out onto the pearl and the west hills. the office is very cool and well designed. the picture at left is in our main atrium as you get off the elevator ... cool, huh? i have been assigned an account and already have to travel to san francisco on tuesday for a meeting. suffice it to say, it's been a whirlwind.

my new office is only a few blocks from my old one and a 4 blocks from where mac works. so we've been carpooling and it's been very nice. on my first day, the folks took me out to lunch at mio sushi and as i got back there was a beautiful flower arrangement waiting for me from mac. it was so thoughtful and sweet. i am very blessed to have such a wonderful woman in my life.

last night, i met up with mac after work for a nice quiet dinner of tapas at colosso and then was off to meet up with my some former co-workers/buddies at the mash tun. it was good to see lara and todd and, of course, my lil bro, ryan. what's a trip to the tun without ryan? ;-) it was great to see them and catch up.

stopped for a coffee at the new café in my building this am. was nice to write in my journal and have a bit of time to myself before heading into the office. am reading eat.pray.love by elizabeth gilbert and am so sucked in. the book is great and so timely given the year i've had. i highly recommend it to everyone!

so today i'm thankful for ... new beginnings, old friends, and appreciating every day

what if . . .

2008-01-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

i've always been a fan alison bechdel and her "dykes to watch out for" series. her political commentary on the world, lesbian life, and politics has always been dead-on.

her latest installment of the strip is just so damn smart i had to share it here. enjoy!

today i'm thankful for . . . smart people willing to use their talents to bring issues to the forefront of their audience's awareness

the internet party . . .

2008-01-18T15:25:00.000-08:00

What Happens When Google's Parents Leave Town for the Weekend?

change is afoot . . .

2008-01-17T14:59:00.000-08:00

so to continue the theme of change of the last year, i'm about to make another huge change in my life. i have accepted a new job. next week i'll be leaving the world of software to go back to being a project manager at an ad agency. my background is in the agency world and it's time for me to go back to my roots. i'll be sad to leave the great group of incredibly talented people i've worked with for the last 2+ yrs but i feel as if it's the right time and the right opportunity. i'll only be going about 4 blks away so i hope to stay in touch with many of these folks and continue to meet up for happy hours and such. i'm excited to start a new chapter in my career and look forward to the challenges ahead of me. of course, the timing is impeccable as life is super busy right now!

the kitchen remodel i've been considering since i moved in last april is starting to get going. the planning has begun and i'm working on the financing for it. am hoping for it to be complete by the time i leave for my europe adventure at the end of march. it's exciting to think about the possibilities and i'm glad i held off on doing the remodel until i'd lived there for a few months. i definitely have a better idea of what i want now that i've worked in the kitchen for awhile. mac is doing the design and has the contractor lined up. i'm excited for us to work together on this project and i have a feeling there will be many more like it in our future together.

life's also been super busy because lacrosse season is gearing up. once again, i'm the league commissioner for the girls high school lacrosse league. this basically means i'm in charge of scheduling all the games for the state. luckily, i've completed the varsity schedule but this saturday i'll need to finish up the jv schedule. should be a good season as we keep adding more and more programs across the state. i'm still debating how much i'll actually get to officiate any games given my travel and new job. am hoping to at least do a few games ... it's pretty fun to don the stripes!

so today i'm thankful for . . . new opportunities and new challenges

damned if you do & damned if you don't . . .

2008-01-15T14:38:00.000-08:00

no sign of intelligent life . . .

2008-01-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

the 2008 darwin awards have been released ... i've only read the first one but it's good enough to share all of 'em.

i think it's pretty clear that we are getting dumber and dumber with each passing year.

so i was cruising youtube today . . .

2008-01-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

and look what i found . . .

and then i found this . . .

both stunningly amazing

so today i'm thankful for . . . technology that allows me to see such amazingness

they're really thought of everything now . . .

2008-01-04T13:13:00.001-08:00

the edible martini

a new year has begun . . .

2008-01-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

where did 2007 go? i can't believe that it's over already. it's been a helluva year. in some ways, i'm sad it's over as it's been very good (new house, meeting mac, all the fun i've had) and in some ways, i'm glad it's over because it's been one of the hardest years of my life.

christmas at new year's was great and fun. we started the weekend with massages at löyly spa and a nice dinner at home. on sunday am we lazily packed up and headed out to manzanita. it was a beautiful drive and there was snow falling as we crossed the coast range. was very cool and made it feel very *christmas-y*. we lit the wood stove and popped open a bottle of wine as we arrived and started cooking dinner. we opened our presents after christmas while the dogs snoozed on their beds by the wood stove. what a bounty of loot!

on monday, we headed to the beach for a walk on a crisp, clear day and the dogs had a ball checking it all out. there was some crazy sea vegetables that looked like long ropes. there were mounds of them all over the beach. was very cool stuff! andrée spent quite awhile investigating them and trying to dream up ways to use the stuff. it was super strong and rubbery. we dropped the dogs back at the house and walked into town to do a bit of shopping. after dinner, we decided what better way to ring in the new year so we headed back to the beach for a midnight walk. it was very cool as there were several groups with fires burning and fireworks going off in the distance. we made a list of all the things we wanted to manifest in 2008 and shared a toast before turning in for the night.

we had a great breakfast on new year's day and packed up and headed home. the drive home was much less eventful (read: no snow) but we did stop to take pictures of a wild sight. apparently weyerhauser had the bright idea to clearcut an entire hillside a couple of years ago and not bother to leave any big trees behind to shelter the saplings they planted to replace their destruction. well, a couple of weeks ago we got some crazy wind (the coast was having hurricane strength winds) and the saplings were snapped off the toothpicks. it was a whole hillside of them. the wind was so strong it uprooted several trees - including one with a root ball measuring at least 10 ft across. we continued on our drive home and had a nice dinner before soaking in the hot tub & turning in. today was back to the grind.

am really happy with how the holiday turned out. it's truly been the best i've ever had and am so glad to have shared it with such an amazing woman. if this is how our first is, i'm sure the rest will be great. am starting to gear up for the kitchen remodel and andrée will be doing the design for it. our goal is to do a *kitchen by craigslist*. we've already started and acquired a great brand-new stainless steel sink for a song. let's hope the dishwasher and new gas range show up on craigslist for as cheap as the sink did! should be a fun project and a nice test for the future we're planning together.

today i'm thankful for . . . the best christmas ever and looking forward to sharing the year ahead with mac and all the advertures it might bring

98 days . . .

2007-12-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

i finally booked the amsterdam leg and return date for my trip to europe. my mom and i are doing an 11-day tour of northern italy and then i'm tacking on a few days in rome by myself before heading to amsterdam to meet up with some friends for a 30th birthday celebration.

i had until today (of course, i procrastinated till then) to book my return. i had been waiting to see if it made sense for mac to meet me in rome for a romantic week together. the more we talked about it given everything else going on, the more sense it made for me to come back earlier. we're talking about a trip to bc for our birthdays in late feb/early march and maybe a trip to santa fe in late may before we move in together. we're also starting to plan my kitchen remodel. all of those things combined just didn't leave us enough $$ to do rome this year too.

am excited about the trip to europe nonetheless but i can't imagine being away from her for 21 days right now. i'm sure it'll be fine but will still be hard to be away from suki for that long too. i've added a few days on either end of the europe to see some family in tampa. i think dad's finally gonna have a puppy for me too so i may be coming home with it. his latest litter of dobies is due on jan 2nd and hopefully there's a puppy with my name on it out of the 8-10 pups that are born. have been wanting to get a pup for suki to have a buddy for awhile. it's interesting that it's finally coming now. mac's dog and suki are starting to get along. we'll see how it is with a 3rd dog in the mix.

so today i'm thankful for ... a trip to look forward to and some great memories i'm sure

merry christmas . . .

2007-12-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

what a great christmas i've had ... it's been one of the best i think i've ever had. anunce throws a *christmas bender* every year and this year i was finally able to partake. i do admit that i didn't *bend* incredibly far ... i ate well and drank well and enjoyed fantastic company. oh yeah ... and it snowed today! i had just said to mac yesterday that i had never had a white christmas and today i did! was so cool!

the bender kicked off last night sitting by the fire drinking prosecco. i headed home to take care of the dogs ... i have boo as well as suki since mac is visiting her mom for the holiday. (the pic in this post was taken today ... it's the first time boo has *voluntarily* shared a piece of furniture with suki!) i was in charge of breakfast for 10 this am and made 2 frittatas and a double batch of gluten-free pancakes yesterday. got there around 1030a and heated breakfast through in the oven while we had coffee with bailey's, bloody marys, and mimosas. we opened presents and we each had a stocking (including the 4 dogs). was so much fun! after breakfast, i headed home to watch some basketball with jg and make some greens for dinner. headed back over there for dinner around 430 and we had a feast! you couldn't even see the kitchen island because there were so many different dishes. i am *still* full and we ate 3 hours ago!

*the only thing missing this year is that mac and i couldn't wake up together on our first christmas* she called around 730a so it was kinda like we woke up together. she gets back tomorrow am at 7 and i can't wait to see her smiling face. we plan to have christmas at new years and are going away to manzanita to ring in the new year. it's gonna be a great year ... i can just feel it. the hardest part is waiting to give her all the presents i bought her. i hope she likes 'em all!

i am grateful that this year is almost over and have been reflecting on the major changes that have transpired this year. to think of where i was last year at this time to where i am now is a pretty major shift. i am very pleased that i've had the experiences and am thankful for the dear people in my life who have been there for me and helped me grow. i am so thoroughly amazed and grateful for mac. i can no longer imagine what my life looks like without her presence. we are planning the kitchen remodel and starting to talk of our future together. our priorities are very much in line and we're planning trips and a beautiful home together. i know that wherever we live will be a comfortable haven for our love to grow and i look forward to waking up with her every morning for many years to come.

life has definitely been crazy recently and i was asked by a friend if i'd just given up on the blog ... i haven't but have been a bit tentative to write too much as i'm enjoying the newness and vagueness of this beautiful union. i'm hesitant to label it ... to put a box around the surrealness of it. it all feels like a ethereal dream that i am living each day. it's so hard to explain how close we've gotten and how *right* it feels. i try to put words on it but it doesn't make sense to anyone but us. even the dogs are getting along. i am blessed to be sitting on the couch with one on either side of me. the only thing missing that would make this moment more perfect is having mac sitting next to me. soon ...

today i'm grateful for ... my wonderful friends and a fantastic white christmas

life has been a bit out of hand lately . . .

2007-11-28T17:14:00.001-08:00

so as i'm sure you've noticed, my daily postings about life and the happenings have come to a screeching halt. suffice it to say, life's been a bit crazy . . . in a good way though. i've been spending most of my free time with mac and have been having the time of my life.

we had a wonderful time in the willamette valley a few weekends ago visiting several wineries and having a romantic weekend away. the 2005 pinot noir release party at sokol blosser was outstanding. ended up buying a few bottles of 2005 estate cuvée pinot noir and yet another case of their 2006 rosé of pinot noir that is so highly drinkable. paid a visit to the torii mor winery and picked up a 2005 late harvest gewurtzraminer before stopping through at argyle to pick up their outstanding 2005 brut rosé to put up for a special occasion.

after all that fanciness, we decided that a down-home lunch was in order so we stopped in at huckabee's bbq right next door to argyle. they weren't quite open but i guess we looked cute enough that they let us in anyway. had a great tri-tip plate with some good collards and cornbread. we did a bit of shopping at the dapper frog and at dundee garden art (where i found really cool brass numbers for my house).

we kept on to mcminnville and checked into the hotel and had a lovely evening of strolling through town and lounging in each other's company. had a fantastic breakfast at the crescent cafe and did even more shopping at cowgirl mercantile (got the coolest shirts there!) before heading back to our *normal* lives. i honestly can't stress enough how good breakfast was ... no, really! i sat there over a plate of biscuits and pork gravy that had chunks (and i do mean chunks) of smoked ham hock and the hash browns were to die for. we'd started breakfast with mimosas made with argyle brut ... we were in wine country after all.

after a lovely dinner at home that night, we went back to the normalcy that is the work week. fortunately, it was a short week! we got the good news that mac had friday and saturday off so we planned a long weekend together. we'd invited some friends for thanksgiving dinner (yes, we made *all* the fixins) but they ended up getting hung up in seattle. despite that, we had a really nice quiet thanksgiving at my place. luckily we got the call early enough in the day that we could scale the menu & portions back enough to not have enough to feed an army!

friday was spent just hanging out and cruising the racks at the goodwill in beaverton. you'd be amazed at some of the shit you can find out there. i managed to walk out with 5 bags *stuffed* full of stuff and a crockpot! the find of the day was a leather trench coat for $40! it's beautiful and fits like a dream. that night we had leftovers and watched bring it on as mac had never seen it - and that's just not right in my book. saturday was a quiet day hanging around the house. suki had an eye appointment (they're still doing about the same as last year - best we can hope for at this point) and then we met mac's friends (who'd finally made it down from seattle) for dinner at green papaya for some thai food. they had the most beautiful 1yo little girl who was a blast to hang out with. we had plans to meet up with some friends for double down at holocene so we got there around 10p. we thought dj harmony was going to be on that night and were looking forward to it. turns out she couldn't make it and the dj they got to replace her wasn't what we were in the mood for so we headed home early.

sunday we met up with the seattle friends at their hotel (they were staying at the ace and it was very nice) for coffee and more hanging out with them and their cute baby girl. ended up hanging with them until 1ish and then dropped by powell's and buffalo exchange because we were in the 'hood. i met up with my friend cg for a wine tasting around 4 and then was off to the grocery store for supplies. made dinner and hit the hot tub to round out an amazing 4 day weekend together.

i have to say – it was probably one of the best of my life ... and the funny thing is that i said that the weekend before about our weekend away. bodes well as far as i can tell. ;-)

so today i'm thankful for . . . an amazing woman in my life and the great memories we're making together

anticipation . . .

2007-11-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

can be sweet and torturous. mac left to visit some friends in california yesterday and i've been missing her since she left. we've exchanged some very sweet text messages and had some nice phone calls but i still miss her near me. she'll be home tomorrow night and it's not soon enough for me!

we have our first weekend getaway planned this weekend. we're headed down to the willamette valley wine country for the 2005 pinot noir release at sokol blosser winery then plan to spend a night at the hotel oregon in mcminnville. am very much looking forward to getting out of town with her. only thing that would make it better would be the weather being nice enough to ride our bikes down there.

today i'm thankful for . . . the perspective gained from some distance

seasons change . . .

2007-11-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

today i'm thankful for . . . the changing seasons and someone to cuddle with

i am the proud owner of a motorcycle license . . .

2007-11-06T20:44:00.000-08:00

so this weekend was another crazy weekend. i spent the majority of it in a motorcycle safety class so i could get my endorsement on my license and be a *legal* motorcycle driver. turns out most people don't bother with getting their endorsements. i was the only person in my class of 12 that *hadn't* been riding illegally for quite some time. who knew?

spent fri night, saturday, and sunday in class and walked out with all the necessary credentials to go the dmv and get my license. was very cool. felt very comfortable by the end of the weekend and was able to go for my first ride on my precious new bike with mac on sunday afternoon. i can't even begin to describe how cool it is to ride a motorcycle . . . much less be able to share that experience with your lover while she's on her own bike. the first ride was cool. i felt like i'd been riding my bike for years. what an adrenaline rush to be on a bike.

went for a ride again after work yesterday. am trying to ride as much as possible before the bikes get put away for the winter and i have to spend a week in may remembering how to ride the damn thing! we're already planning some bike road trips ... bc here we come!

so today i'm thankful for . . . sharing experiences and creating new memories

movie night . . .

2007-11-01T12:08:00.001-07:00

i love small independent films and i also really enjoy seeing movies in comfortable theaters. a few months ago, the living room theaters opened in portland. they only show independent films and have a great bar/restaurant/cafe. the seats are comfy and you can lift the armrest between some seats and snuggle up in a loveseat with your date.

i had been wanting to see the new parker posey movie called "broken english" since it came out a few months ago. mac and i had discussed going to see it for a few weeks and last night we finally made a date to go. she picked me up around 8p and we headed off to the theater. we had a very nice date and really enjoyed the movie.

i thoroughly enjoy the time she & i spend together. we enjoy each other's company and have lots of common interests. it's nice to be dating someone who likes quirky movies, 3 hr meals, and music/dancing. our connection over music is just amazing and thrilling. we love the same kind(s) of music and love to dance . . . and we do so for hours sometimes. the way she smiles when she dances is so damn attractive that i can't help but smile as well.

so today i'm thankful for . . . dating someone with whom i have such a deep connection

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?

2007-10-26T15:12:00.001-07:00

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mo

You are Mo, a guilt-ridden, kindhearted liberal who doesn't relax enough. You are ordered to buy a pint of non-organic, dairy ice cream and watch Comedy Central for a week. PBS will still be there when you get back.

80%

Stuart

70%

Lois

65%

Sydney

65%

Toni

60%

Clarice

55%

Sparrow

45%

cabaret . . .

2007-10-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

so i have a closet love of musicals. i think living in nyc sparked a love of theater for me but i do admit to a life-long love of "grease". after all, i have been called "rizzo" by some friends for a very long time.

i've always been a bit *hesitant* to see the local productions of some shows but when cabaret was being put on by our local theater company staring storm large i just had to see it for myself. i bought tickets as soon as they went on sale and waited ... saturday was finally the day for the show. mac got the day off and joined me. we had great seats (although we arrived a bit late and had to sit in the *sin bin* aka the back wall until intermission). i have been a fan of storm large's for a couple of years and think she's an amazing musician and H - O - T! got to see the last show that she played with her band, the balls, back in august at the wonder ballroom. so when i heard she was going to play the lead part of sally bowles in cabaret i ran right out and bought the tickets. the added bonus was that another great local actor was cast as the emcee. wade mccollum is just an amazingly talented individual. i had the pleasure of seeing him in a one-man show last year called "i am my own wife" and he just blew me away.

cabaret is an already baudy show ... somehow this production just took it over the top. was so much fun and i just walked out giddy. there were times that i forgot it was storm as sally and that just proves how amazing of a job she did.

so today i'm thankful for . . . great theater and someone to share it with.

sake sake everywhere . . .

2007-10-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

a new sake bar opened on alberta recently called zilla saké house. mac and i went last night and had a great time. the bar has a very chill atmosphere and nice ambience. the saké list was immense and the owners/staff were very knowledgeable about the product. we did a few flights and tasted 6 different sakés before settling on one in particular. it was called "Midori-kawa 'Green River' Honjozo". was very smooth & delicious. the food was great as well. we had their japanese vegetable curry and the baked unagi with rice. the unagi was outstanding. we'll definitely be back . . .

so today i'm thankful for . . . new experiences in new places with fun people

bike update . . .

2007-10-17T18:44:00.001-07:00

so i finally got registered for a motorcycle safety class so i can get out on my new bike. i've not driven a motorcycle in over a decade and felt that it was the smartest thing to do to get reacquainted and feel *safe* on the road.

so the weekend of 11/2-11/4 i'll be in a safety course and if i complete it will walk/drive out with my motorcycle endorsement on my license. yay!

i'll post more once the class is over and whether or not i passed!

centering . . .

2007-10-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

not even sure how to explain the feelings going on right now for me. am on cloud 9 and floating off the ground due to the amazing woman i've met and am spending time with. we have an indescribable connection that makes no sense. even though it's only been a month or so, it's a very deep connection that we share and are enjoying immensely. it doesn't feel rushed or overwhelming. just delicious and peaceful. i cherish each moment we get to share and look forward to seeing how this develops.

at the same time, i realize that in order to be fully present as i explore this connection i must be present with myself and that means setting my priorities in such a way as to not *lose* myself in the newness and power of my feelings when i'm with her. i know i have the tendency to completely fall down a rabbit-hole when i meet a new person and i then find myself neglecting both my needs and obligations to a point that i feel completely out of sorts. i don't want that to happen this time. i want to take it slow and learn about each other while maintaining our own lives and continuing to grow as individuals.

i can honestly say that i've never felt this *healthy* about any relationship. while a part of me wants to see her every day and just forget that the outside world exists, i know that i cannot do that and still feel as if i'm taking care of myself. i am learning that to feel *whole* i must be able to be with myself and pay attention to what my body needs and what my mind needs to feel centered. i am grateful that i've met someone that can appreciate that need and has no hesitation to ask for that space for herself as well. it's a precious understanding of oneself and one that i respect very much. i think i've reached a point in my life where i couldn't be with someone that didn't have that awareness of themselves and their needs.

so today i'm thankful for ... self-awareness both in myself and in the people i hold dear.

they say you can't go back . . .

2007-10-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

made a trip to the old neighborhood of park slope, brooklyn last weekend. was a whirlwind trip as i was on the ground for a total of 36 hours. stayed with an old friend in her 217 sq ft studio apt. super cute but wow ... small! i still can't believe 4 of us slept there. was fun tho.

took the red eye direct flight from pdx-jfk from jetblue on friday night and arrived at 830a et. fortunately was able to sleep on the plane since my body was exhausted. i'd had a long week and taken mac's hip hop fitness class at 530p that night. was just what my body needed before sitting on a long flight. took a cab to park slope and went out for coffee & brunch with my friend and her new girl. took a stroll around the 'hood – so much has changed and so much hasn't. i was on a mission for a coat so we stopped into a few shops. ended up with a beautiful coat and some t-shirts from brooklyn industries. picked up a shirt for mac that i knew she'd love (and she did). headed into manhattan for the cursory stop at loehmann's ... especially if a *coat* is what you're looking for. i was successful in my quest for a dress rain coat that i could wear year-round and for $80 no less ... god bless loehmann's! walked around chelsea for a bit looking for a cuban-chinese place i used to frequent but couldn't find it so we ended up at cuba cafe for a late lunch before heading back to park slope to get ready for the margaret cho show we had tickets to that night.

the show was amazing as to be expected. the premise was to be a burlesque show that celebrated all types of women's bodies. was hilarious and raunchy and thought-provoking. suffice it to say, i laughed and howled the whole show and didn't expect to ever in my 15 yrs of being a margaret cho fan think i'd see her naked wearing only a dong and pasties! what an amazing celebration of women! so glad i got the opportunity to see that show.

after the show, we headed back to park slope for a little pre-func at the apartment before heading off to cattyshack to get our dance on. who woulda thunk that there'd be a dyke dance bar on 4th ave in park slope? was a good time. nice to see so many dark-skinned girls out dancing ... especially coming from pdx where women of color are the exception rather than the rule. danced till around 2a and had lots of fun.

sunday i headed out for brunch with another old friend who had popped into town to see me while i was there. we had a long conversation at rose water over a delicious meal of duck confit hash and pear ginger waffle. stuffed ourselves silly then walked around the 'hood as it was a beautiful fall day in nyc. took her to a few places i'd been shopping the day before and she bought a stunning coat. we put her on a subway up to meet another friend on the upper east side and headed to get some lunch and have a pint at the gate before i headed back to jfk to head home. stopped for a pint at a great pub on 4th ave called the cherry tree. had an awesome courtyard and we stayed longer than we really had time to but was so much fun. we motivated and grabbed some yummy fish tacos at bogotá and headed over the eat at the gate – just like old times. the gate was like our living room when we lived in the slope. most major events were held there - birthdays, going away parties, etc. was great to sit out on the patio and look across the street at the old apt.

we walked back to the apt and i called a cab and headed to the airport. i had a wonderful time but was very ready to be home. i knew mac was waiting for me and i couldn't wait to see her.

so today i'm thankful for . . . old friends and old 'hoods that remind you where you came from and how far you've come.

the world lost an amazing man last night . . .

2007-10-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

just got a call from my ex that her grandfather had passed last night. it was not unexpected as he had been sick for quite some time but is still a very sad day.

ersel hallsted was possibly the sweetest old man i've ever met. he was just a jolly man who had nothing but love for all the people in his life. he and i had a pretty special bond that we'd built over the last 8 yrs and i'm sad to know i can't see his smile again as i walk in the door and say "hey, good looking".

i'm very bummed that i didn't actually make it down there to visit him on sunday. the weekend just got away from me. the memorial will be later this month and i'm going to do everything i possibly can to be there.

am going to miss you, ers.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that he's not suffering anymore.

tgif . . .

2007-10-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful that it's friday

has been a pretty emotionally-charged and stressful week both personally and professionally. took the opportunity to work from home today so i could be heads-down on my deliverable. have gotten lots done but still think i'll be working a bit on sunday to get it done before monday am. am gonna continue to pound away for a few more hours and then call it good for today ... my brain's about fried.

have a wine-tasting date with my friend c tonight. she's coming up to my 'hood and we're gonna try out every day wine. haven't been available on a sat night to meet her at vixens for a few weeks so we decided to try to sneak a friday night tasting in. am looking forward to it both for the company and for the fact that i'll be about 5 blocks from home. :-)

looking forward to another good weekend. the report will follow . . . .

closure . . .

2007-10-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful for . . . closure

new toys . . .

2007-10-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

finally bit the bullet today and got a new phone. i had been unhappy with my phone for quite some time and hand held out the 2 yrs to actually replace it. so after much research, i got the new motorola q 9m for verizon. got it home and it was ready to use within 15 mins. i'm very pleased. i have some concerns about battery life so an extended battery is on the way.

more reviews as i use it more. for now, i'm off to bed. after sleeping through 2 alarm clocks this am and finally waking to a txt message reminding me of a meeting i had in 15 mins, i think my body is telling me to get some rest.

so today i'm thankful for . . . new technology and helpful sales people.

hibernation . . .

2007-10-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

as an only child and a pisces, a part of me always feels the need to step back occasionally and hibernate. now, anyone that knows me knows that i'm an incredibly social person so they might find it hard to believe that even i get overwhelmed by people (no matter how much i care for them) sometimes. i have been outwardly focused for the last few weeks – for several reasons (my folks' visit, meeting and getting to know mac, work, etc). it became pretty obvious last night that i really needed to take a step back and check in with myself and see where i am with all the emotions running through me at the moment.

have had a fairly solitary and quiet day. woke up this am and didn't even turn on opb. i wanted to sit with the silence. while i didn't sit on the mat, i did sit with my thoughts as i showered and got ready for the day ahead. didn't make my usual cup of coffee at home as i wanted to just sit with myself for as long as i didn't have to *interact* with anyone (which meant basically all the way to work). i sat on the bus and listened to some comforting music and realized it was the longest i hadn't spoken in at least a few days. i sat with that for a long while and enjoyed not having to speak while taking in my surroundings and checking in with my body and mind.

after such an emotionally charged weekend, i was feeling a bit out of touch with myself. and i know it sounds crazy to say i meditated on the bus, it works for me. i am one of those people that can take a book into a loud restaurant, get a table for one and devour my reading material while i enjoy a great meal. all the while, the hustle & bustle could go on around me and i'd be oblivious. it's the joy and pain of being a pisces sometimes.

the weather has changed here for sure and i can only surmise that the cold and rain are adding to my desire to hunker down and hibernate in my cozy home with a warm dog on my lap. i have started to pull out my winter wardrobe and *nest* again like i did when i first moved in last spring. getting the house in order is a way of checking in with myself and assuring that my safe haven is, in fact, a comfortable space in which i can relax and recharge.

have been talking to my friend who's a color consultant again and hope to schedule some time for her to come over and help me pick out my paint schemes. i am anxious to add my special touches to this great house and make it feel even more homey. i plan to be here for a long while and so i might as well make it mine.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the changing seasons that make us return to our roots and re-examine our priorities.

ikea and the new home-away-from-home . . .

2007-10-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

an ikea opened in pdx in july. when the actual opening day came, people had been camped outside in line for days! granted, i love swedish kitsch as much as the next girl. however, i don't see much reason to sleep in the streets for mass-produced schwag. i finally decided i needed to make a trip though as i was in need of some organizational assistance with winter coming and nowhere to put my sweaters and coats. i had made an ikea date with sarah who was unable to join me. it worked out that mac needed to make a trip to return an item she'd bought the week prior so we went together. was nice to have her designer eye with me as that's something i struggle with. we spent 2 solid hours cruising the store - each with our distinct list. i had finally selected a combination of items for the creation of an armoire (my main reason for making the trek) but alas, the cabinet itself was out of stock. drats! now i'm going to have to go back. ugh!

i did however score some very nice finds. i got a very nice chair/ottoman cushion set for my chair in a comfy brown leather. i also purchased another tractor-seat style seat for my studio downstairs. but was thwarted on my mission.

after ikea, i dropped mac off at home and met up with anunce and the crew at the new bar down the street, the bye and bye. anunce had her birth mom in town from cambridge, mass and we *had* to meet her. she was a lovely lady and am so glad for anunce that they seem to be forging a relationship after all these years.

but really, back to the bye and bye. anunce and i had been there on friday afternoon and fell in love with the place instantly. there was something about it that felt oddly familiar. the added bonus was that it was a non-smoking bar. anunce being on day 4 and i on day 7 at the time had decided that we needed a new place to hang out given the smokiness of our usual home bar. we chatted up the bartender and ordered some food and got the back story on the bar. there were 6 co-owners who all work the bar and basically did the renovation themselves. one of them is named john and had worked at the grit in athens, ga. it was no wonder that the "georgia bowl" seemed so familiar and comfortable. (did i mention the entire menu is vegan?) it was basically a dish i ate several times a week for many years back in grad school. yummy! the feel was great and the jukebox was delightful. i think we've found our new place. and the best part for me is that it's exactly 7 blocks from my house. yippee!

more antics to ensue at the bye and bye i'm sure!!!

so today i'm thankful for . . . new places that bring back old memories.

mind-blowing . . .

2007-09-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

i had the most amazing date of my life this weekend.

today i'm thankful for . . . wonderful dates involving great food & even better company!

a decade-long dream comes true . . .

2007-09-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

as anyone who knows me or has read my blog knows, this year has been one of transformation and reclamation for me. i've reconnected with old friends, made new ones, re-evaluated my priorities and made some fairly major changes in my life (new house, new car, new wardrobe, new attitude) and today another dream came true.

for as long as i can remember i have wanted a bike. not just any bike though. a very specific bike with a very specific paint job. i found said bike a few days ago on craigslist (in my price range even!). today, my big bro, z, went out with me to test drive it and drive it back should i decide to buy it. it's been 13 years since i've driven a bike (ridden on plenty in that time) so i no longer have my motorcycle license. plus he's the most knowledgeable bike guy i know. i trust his opinion and never would buy a bike without his endorsement. he gave me the thumbs up so i am now the proud owner of this beautiful piece of machinery.

it's a 1997 honda shadow 600 vlx deluxe. has 11,500 original miles on it. brand new leather saddle bags and the paint job is impeccable. this thing looks like it just drove off the showroom floor yesterday not 10 yrs ago! i talked the guy down $100 and he threw in a really nice helmet. z drove it back here and gave it the thumbs up which is impressive because he's not really a *cruiser* bike kinda guy. he rides a beautiful ktm 900 adventure bike.

i'm looking forward to the private lessons he's gonna give me to help me get my permit. then i'll go take a motorcycle class so i can feel really comfy on it. the bike is the perfect size for me and i can sit on it with both feet flat on the ground and my knees bent. the handlebars and pegs are in the right spot as well. it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

i'm so excited i can barely contain myself . . .

so today i'm thankful for . . . the universe dropping my dream bike in my lap and a good friend to share the experience with.

desire . . .

2007-09-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

so torturous and so fun. just can't stop smiling today.

so today i'm thankful for . . . good company and hungry kisses

continued minimal sleep . . .

2007-09-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

so i had an amazing weekend . . . thursday after work a group of folks from work got together to celebrate a coworker's upcoming nuptuals. we had a great time at saucebox and then z and i hung out in the backyard for one more beer before he headed home. mac called later that evening and we had another great conversation. friday brought another after-work drinking engagement with the *ladies*. we are a crew of 8 that used to work together (some of us still do) and we try to get together regularly to catch back up. i managed to down 4 ginger martinis at silk before heading off to meet sweets, dk, and z for a design competition called cut & paste at the wonder ballroom. the design was amazing ... essentially, it was 15 minute rounds where the designers were working on machines that were being projected up on big screens so everyone in the venue could see their every move. was a very cool event. after some late night snacks at toro bravo, z & dk dropped me off around midnight.

saturday i had coffee plans with a friend (after 4 hrs of sleep) and then helped a friend move into her new place. after watching the dawgs win in overtime, i picked mac up at around 945p to go out. we met up with some friends of hers at a club then headed to holocene for double down. star was still there so i got to have one good last dance with her before she left. was fun. mac and i danced a bit and then sat and watched the crowd for a bit. had a nice time and headed home around 2a.

sunday i had coffee with star and got to say good-bye (she left on monday am). ended up helping my friend move more stuff and then spent a few hours in my studio drawing the plans for the revised outdoor cabinet. am starting to doubt that i'll be able to finish this thing before the rains come but i'm going to keep plugging away. problem is that i keep getting distracted from the task at hand.

so today i'm thankful for . . . new adventures and where they might take us

recovering . . .

2007-09-20T11:03:00.001-07:00

so it's been quiet on the wires for the last 9 days because it's been absolutely crazy busy. my family arrived on fri, 9.14 in a whirlwind. they arrived 2 hours earlier than i expected them so, needless to say, i wasn't done cleaning & getting the house ready. i ended up meeting them at the hotel and then going to lunch. we ended up at chez jose for dinner and then i headed to the goodfoot for star's going away gathering. good music, good friends, good dancing. i got home around 1a after getting all that nervous energy out from being with the family. was definitely a good time.

saturday morning started with a trip to the farmer's market to shop for goodies for that afternoon's bbq at my house so the *fam* could meet the *friends*. the fam was amazed at the produce & flowers available at the market but were a bit stunned by the prices. that way of shopping is just so foreign to them. we got back to the house and my stepdad and grandpa wanted to watch the gator game so we turned that on for them and my mom, grandma, and i headed out the alberta street fair for a bit. my friend, jg, was going to be in the parade with the samba bateria he plays with. they're called the lions of batucada and they're so much fun! we popped into the mash tun to say hi to kim & then headed back to the house. the bbq was a huge success. had a great turnout. thanks to star, jenmc (and her lovely lady), lara & todd, sweets, z & dk, jg & osha, ryan, and angell for coming over to show the family some love.

after the folks went home, star and i headed to the florida room for anunce's 40th blowout. was lovely to help her celebrate the big occasion. i got home around 230a after helping mfp clean up and run some folks back to the house. had a lovely breakfast with star on sunday am before i met up with the folks do go down to the willamette valley for some wine tasting. had a nice afternoon which included stops at sokol blosser, argyle, ponzi and torii mor. stopped for lunch at the dundee bistro and drank so more. we headed back to the house and cooked dinner and just hung out.

on monday, we made the trek out to the gorge to see multnomah falls and vista house. made a stop through edgefield on the way back for more wine tasting and a snack. since tuesday was my mom & stepdad's birthday (yes, they share a bday), i made reservations at higgins for a nice dinner. was a great meal!

tuesday was a slow day with visits to my office so the folks could see it and then went over to the rogue public house for some beer tasting. grandma was coming down with a cold and wasn't feeling well so we just headed back to the house. anunce and mfp came by to meet the folks. was a really nice visit with them. was nice to hang out and just spend time together. remarkably, there was no tension! i think that's a first.

wednesday was back to work for a full day of meetings & catching up. i had plans last night to meet up with mac, a very cool woman i met a few weeks ago at pop tart. she's an amazing dancer and a hoot to hang out with. we can just talk for hours! it's so nice. we had dinner at crush and then headed to holocene to see some djs. switch, diplo and dj beyonda were spinning. the music was awesome. despite being a school night, we danced till 2a.

today i'm thankful for . . . being able to function on 3 hrs of sleep.

more soon . . .

a dark day . . .

2007-09-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

six years ago today the world changed for a lot of us. even if you weren't in one of the immediate places, i'm sure you were affected somehow – you knew someone there, you were touched by the news, it made you political, you're by default still affected somehow, we all are.

for me, it was a personal day. i was still living in nyc (actually it was what finally pushed me to be ready to leave) and was riding the subway that morning as the planes hit everywhere. i had just gone under the wtc when they hit the towers. i had no idea what was happening at the time. just frustrated that my commute was taking so damn long. when i finally reached the office, i found out what had happened. i ran to my desk to call my ex. thankfully she had already left me a message that she was still at home and would see me there whenever i could get there. her office was 3 blocks south of wtc so needless to say i was relieved to here that she was safely back in brooklyn and not down on wall street. i was fortunate enough to have a place in the city to hang out until they opened the subways back up and i could get home. i think my most vivid memory of that day is how beautiful of a day it was and how silent it became at the drop of a hat. i remember walking down 5th avenue (in the middle of the street, mind you, not on the sidewalk) in total silence. there were no cars, no cabs, just masses of people walking. i remember looking up and just staring at the skyline because i couldn't get my bearings. i knew i was walking south but without the towers as the beacon that they were it was very odd. it was such a gorgeous day - hot, 80s, sunny, clear blue skies ... but then there was the plume of smoke rising from where the towers had been.

when i finally got home that afternoon around 4p, i had never been so happy to be there. we were without phones for awhile and the smoke was still billowing for a few days afterwards. i remember wanting to be around people - any people. i remember wanting to build as big of a community as i could. somehow i felt that it would make it all ok.

i had left nyc by the 1st anniversary. i don't think i could have stayed much longer than i did. but every year on this day, i get sad all over again. i remember the fear i felt that day and still feel ... but now i'm not scared of the events of that day (nor of the people that perpetrated them). i'm afraid of people forgetting the sense of unity we felt after that and letting the politicians continue to drive wedges between people for their own gains. it's so hard to remember the good that came out of that day when we keep hearing "the terrorists are gonna get us", "either you're with us or against us", "the war is making us safer", "you hate america because you're against the war". you're damn right i'm against the war. it's not the one we should be fighting.

thomas jefferson once said: "the spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occassions, that i wish it to be always kept alive. it will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. i like a little rebellion now and then."

so today i hope that we can all spark a little rebellion and stand up for what america really stands for and honor the true spirit of the day ... unity with diversity.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that i survived that day as did all my immediate friends/family

weekend report . . .

2007-09-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

had a crazy weekend but it was good. after my quiet friday night on the couch, saturday was a whirlwind. had a hair appt then met up with c for a wine tasting then headed over to the muddy boot festival to hang out with h and ran into some former co-workers and another lacrosse coach. got a call from sarah that she & her girl were going out and i should meet up with them so i did. we had a chill night downtown and ended up hitting a few different places before heading home around 130p.

sunday was planned to be a day of cleaning and getting the house ready for the family. as i sat in my backyard performing my usual sunday morning routine (breakfast & coffee outside while calling the fam), i got a call from star. she was calling to see if i wanted to hang out and go for a walk or something. it sounded like a great idea since i was completely unmotivated for my chores and i hadn't seen her in over a week. i got dressed and was off to pick her up. we ran a few errands and ended up down on hawthorne doing a bit of window shopping. was a nice couple of hours to just hang out and spend some 1:1 time. not sure how many more chances for that we'll have before she goes. (departure date is 2 weeks from today)

after hanging out with star, i stopped by anunce & mfp's place to pick some tomatoes from their garden and ended up at the florida room for a late lunch/brunch (ok, it was 3p but pancakes and a bloody mary still sounded good). got home around 4p and started cleaning up the yard and vacuumed the whole house. headed out to pop tart around 730 to meet up with star and her friends as well as my friend, geah, who was making her first appearance. had fun hanging out with folks and then the music kicked up and i couldn't keep still! ended up dancing with a very cool woman most of the night. was great to hear some mash up by some great dj's.

today i'm thankful for . . . unexpected fun and great music

calm and quiet . . .

2007-09-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

been a quiet couple of days around the campfire. literally. been working from home, not really communicating with many folks as the wires seem to have gone quiet, not going out much . . . it's a friday night and i'm comfortably ensconced on my couch after a great dinner with jg. he was here getting the yard ready for the family visit when i got home from setting up my desk at my new office. we made some grilled vegetable pasta and salad and ate dinner outside. he was off with osha to a yemaya gathering. i opted out and am watching "what not to wear".

have a fun day planned tomorrow. will be doing the farmer's market in the am, a hair cut in the afternoon, then off to the muddy boots organic festival to see my friend who works for sequential biofuels, will be meeting c for a wine tasting at vino vixens, then off to see a co-worker's band at the hempstalk festival at sellwood park. who knows where i'll end up after that.

sunday i'm due to meet a friend, geah, and go dancing at tart. should be fun. star says she's not going. guess i should start getting used to not seeing her out. can't believe she's leaving so soon. i'm gonna miss her. just getting to know her has been a blessing. she's very cool.

today i'm thankful for . . . friends both new and old.

what a beautiful day . . .

2007-09-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

worked from home today due to the office move. i slept in a bit and logged on to work around 830a (think i was still recovering from the hangover). brought my laptop outside to check mail while i ate breakfast and drank my coffee. it was a little chilly this am so i didn't expect to be outside all day but here i am at 515p still in the same spot i was in at 830a. the weather improved and now it's a comfy 73 and the sun is out and i can't seem to need to move.

tonight starts the football madness that tends to take over my life in the fall. will be making the first pilgrimage to luscious and the good doctor's house in about an hour for kick-off. will be a bit odd to watch football over there as it used to be my house. wonder how the pudge will react to being in the old house. it'll be her first time over since we moved. every time i've been over has been a bit odd. so weird to see how others change a place you used to live in (for 5 yrs no less). i'm so glad that they have the old girl now but still an odd sensation to walk into that house. i'm sure it's the same for them here.

well, it's shaping up to be another crazy weekend. have a hair appt, going to do a wine tasting with c, must clean the house before the fam gets here and have a few *dates* with various friends throughout the weekend. should be fun. hope it's chill ... i don't think i can handle another weekend like last one.

so today i'm thankful for . . . a comfy backyard and a nice day to work outside all day

now off to make myself some dinner.

it's official . . .

2007-09-05T14:25:00.000-07:00

i'm single again. yesterday i went to the county office to terminate the domestic partnership. feels good to have that taken care of. met up with anunce at the florida room for a few cocktails around 630p - which turned into a drinking marathon until 130a. was so hungover this am. just talked to her and she says her liver feels like it's about to explode. i know the feeling.

had to make the cursory stop at burgerville for some grease and a fountain soda. that's always the key hangover helper. just add water and 2 tylenol and you're felling human again in no time. been awhile since i'd tied one on like that. but it seemed appropriate given the circumstances.

was definitely a sad day. not one that i thought would come all those years ago when we entered into the partnership and exchanged rings. i really thought this was the one. just goes to show that you never really know what's gonna happen from one day to the next so you should just enjoy the ride. have fun. enjoy the people around you in every way. and pay attention so you don't miss the big picture while working out the details.

so today i'm thankful for . . . closure

moving . . .

2007-09-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

so tomorrow's is my company's last day in our current offices. thursday and friday all employees are being sent home to work while the movers move our stuff into our new offices. granted, the new offices are in a much better location and will likely not be prone to as many water leaks but it's still a pain to pack up your office and move it. the new office will be an adjustment for all as only a few executives will actually have offices. the rest of us will be in cubicles with most of us sharing spaces. gonna take some getting used to. i'll be sharing a space with my immediate supervisor who will only be working in that office a few days a week after december.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the ability to work from home - which is what i did this afternoon.

outdoor kitchen - stage 2

2007-09-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

so i spent the long weekend basically working on the outdoor kitchen. while i didn't get as much done as i would have liked, i did get quite a bit accomplished. as you can see the base and 3 walls of the cabinet are up. while wrapping up and sitting in the backyard with a beer looking at my work, i realized i had a major design flaw that would need to be addressed before i could move forward. see if i build the cabinet as originally designed, it will end up with a counter height of 42". see, i'm short so that would put the sink at about shoulder height for me so i'll have to go to plan b.

plan b involves doing a two-level counter top. the corner closest to the house will stay at it's planned height to account for the height of the kegerator, but i'll drop the remainder of the cabinet down to be an overall height of approximately 32" (which is fairly standard for a counter). will mean a bit more modification and will likely mean that the cabinet won't be done by the time my folks are here but you live and learn, right? right. i could have avoided some of this had i sunk the concrete pad to the grade of the patio but it didn't seem necessary at the time so i'll have to adjust with the actual cabinet. i think it'll still look good but will be a bit more tedious to assemble. so hopefully i can get more done this weekend but i won't kill myself trying to finish before the fam gets here. they'll just have to deal with pictures when it's done. i think cleaning the house for their arrival is a more appropriate use of my limited time until then.

i'm beat ... gonna go take a soak and fall into bed.

so today i'm thankful for . . . my hot tub

long weekends . . .

2007-09-02T22:25:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful for . . . good friends

i know i've been thankful for them before but i could say that every day and absolutely mean it. this weekend has been full of good friends and i'm so grateful for my *crew* - all the different facets of it.

the weekend started with an amazing show by rodrigo y gabriela at the oregon zoo. if you don't know who these guys are ... go look 'em up. better yet, get to a show! just do it! trust me, you'll never be the same again. if someone told you that two mexican kids that used to play heavy metal then moved to ireland and all they play are acoustic guitars, you look at them and laugh. i understand. it's exactly what i did the first time someone told me about them. then i saw them and it was all over. amazing! it's the only word i have for it. what a way to start the holiday weekend.

saturday was spent with the masses at lowe's (returning unused concrete), home depot (buying the mini-fridge for the kitchen project), and the rebuilding center (looking for a used cabinet i could modify so i didn't have build from scratch - more on that later). i was successful in all places albeit unexpectedly at the rebuilding center. i didn't find a cabinet to modify but i did find a used sink and faucet for $10 - score! got home with the loot and then met up with abs to work on the evite for anunce's 40th bday party. ended up at the eroom with star and jenmc. it was the fob after-party and the place was *packed*! music was great and i danced for hours. was a great time. my friend kim even came for a bit despite her aversion to lesbians - never mind that she *is* one! ;-)

got up this morning at 10a despite going to bed at 4a - no good reason really. just got home and couldn't sleep so i started to watch a movie i'd tivo'ed. got moving around 11a when my boss came over to borrow some boxes for her move. sucks to have to interact with the boss after a night out and little sleep. met up with a friend for coffee at fuel cafe and then headed back to lowe's with c to buy the lumber for the outdoor kitchen. i wasn't able to find a cabinet to modify so i'm going to have to *build* one from scratch. oh, well. i tried. at least i found a used sink & faucet!

there were several bbq's being hosted this evening due to the long weekend. i made it to one - never quite made it to the other one. it was way across town so it was just too far to drive after a cocktail or two. was fun to hang out in the backyard on a beautiful summer night. the stars were out. it was quiet. home by 10 and am now hanging with the dogs on the couch. yes, multiple dogs. i'm dog-sitting this weekend for z and dk's dogs. they went camping to the coast for the weekend and always take suki when i travel so i have their 3 for the long weekend. crazy to have 4 dogs in the house. they're great and it's nice to be *surrounded* by snuggling dogs.

tomorrow i hope to actually build the cabinet. i now have all the materials and tools i need so i really have no excuse *not* to do the work. just got a call from jg - he's gonna come help me in the morning cut the lumber and then i can just build in the afternoon. shouldn't be too hard. it's going to be a simple cabinet - no drawers and just one door in the middle. i'm excited to finally have this thing done. will need to go back to the old house tomorrow and pick up the black granite i haven't picked up yet so i can use that on the countertop of the outdoor kitchen. i think it's going to be the best bet given the cost ne. so w (as in, i've already spent almost $500 on this thing. i've really don't want to spend a fortune more on a countertop. so whatever i choose has to be *cheap*.).

also tomorrow luscious, the former owner of this house and good friend of mine, is coming over to help me work out the plumbing and my friend sarah will be coming by to help me work out the electrical. i've decided to make this a full fancy outdoor kitchen. i even got a recommendation for a place just 3 blocks up the road that will make my awning that will cover the kitchen when it's done. i'm getting very excited to have this done. i know that time is limited for how much longer i'll be able to use it this year. but i know i'll be so grateful for it next summer when i'm remodeling the kitchen. after living through lea & finn's kitchen remodel, i understand how important it is to live without a real sink and fridge.

i couldn't have made it through weekend (and i still haven't) without my friends. nor would i have wanted to. i am so fortunate to have good friends. from the ones that i can hang with at the zoo for a great outdoor concert to the ones that will go to lowe's on a holiday weekend to help me haul lumber to the ones that host bbqs and just want to hang out to the ones that want to dance the night away. i'm so so blessed.

my mom rocks!

2007-08-30T15:04:00.000-07:00

so, my mom and i have had a pretty interesting relationship over the years. life hasn't always been easy. she was a single mom and *very* young when she had me. i'm very glad that she decided to keep me. we've had our moments over the years that have been tumultuous and silent. we've really gotten close again over the last year tho. i think we've both grown up and learned to love each other and let each other be. we can actually *talk* about stuff like we never have before. it's pretty cool. i feel very fortunate to have the kind of relationship we have.

she'll be here to visit in a few weeks. this will be the first time she gets to see where i live. i've been in pdx for 5+ yrs and this will be her first ever visit to the entire west coast. will be nerve-racking and exciting all at the same time. my step-dad and grandparents will be coming as well. i'm going to host a bbq for them to be able to meet all my friends. figure it'll be the easiest thing to do.

then my mom and i are going to italy together in april. should be a fun trip. am planning to stay in europe an extra week after mom heads home. am really looking forward to doing that trip with her. it's been 20 yrs since we last traveled together.

so today i'm thankful for . . . my mom

impromptu dinners . . .

2007-08-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

last night i had the pleasure of having an impromptu dinner with a dear friend of mine.

after driving all of her daughter's friends home, star came over for dinner. we got some yummy mexican chopped salads from aquí mexican cafe and sat in the backyard. it was a nice time. we just hung out and talked and sat quietly for a bit.

so today i'm thankful for . . . impromptu dinners with a good friend

reconnections . . .

2007-08-28T09:18:00.001-07:00

so i found an old friend/co-worker/business partner on facebook the other day. hadn't talked to her in years and when we did it was like we'd never lost touch. such a nice feeling to know your bond with someone is so deep and strong than when you find them again it's like you've always been there.

so today i'm thankful for . . . social networks that allow me to find & reconnect with old friends.

mission accomplished . . .

2007-08-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

well, part 1 anyway. my goal for the weekend was to pour the concrete slab upon which my outdoor kitchen will be built (hopefully next weekend!) before my mother comes for a visit in mid-september.

yesterday morning i headed off to lowe's to buy the supplies. i wasn't particularly motivated since i'd closed the florida room with anunce after being out most of the evening. we went to the opening of a great new store called olio united of all organic and sustainable clothing and housewares - anunce knew the owners. (shameless plug here – go support these guys. the clothes & housewares were awesome and they were really cool folks) of course i had to do some shopping! then headed off to kelly's olympian for a benefit concert for a co-worker of anunce and mfp's. show was decent ... i just have horrible memories of the only other time i've been in that bar. we dropped greg and mfp at home but decided we weren't done drinking so we headed of the florida room (never mind we'd *started* the evening there). at around 230a, i took anunce home and headed home to pour myself into bed.

so back to lowe's...i was fortunate enough to be helped by a lovely gay man named larry (at least my gaydar says he was ...it's been known to be wrong before) ... he walked me through what i'd need, suggested cheaper alternatives since i didn't need *professional* grade stuff, and even through in a few pointers. i had the 10 bags of 80lb quikrete loaded in the back of the wagon with a couple of 2x4s and the rest of the gear and headed home to start clearing the site. didn't realize until i got home how loaded down the car was ... the back tirewells were, at most, 2" above the tires. yikes! needless to say, i left the concrete in the car overnight!

i started working around noon and was able to clear the site and set the forms. i was pretty impressed by how much i got done. i called a neighbor and asked to borrow her wheelbarrow and set about doing other household chores (i've been very neglectful for the last few weeks given how much i've had going on).

so this morning, after another late night ... this time out dancing (more on that in another post later) ... i got back to work. unloaded 8 bags of quikrete and started mixing. man, they're not kidding when they call it 80lb grade ... it was heavy as all get out. seriously got my workout today!

but the end result is so worth it! i'm very pleased with it given that it's the first time i've ever done anything like this on my own. it looks great - not perfect but will definitely be workable. since it'll be under the eventual cabinet, i wasn't too worried about *perfection*.

am off to take a shower and then a cat nap. am having friends over to grill and get in the hot tub tonight. i've never been so happy to be a hot tub owner in my whole life ... well, except after i did the floors. hmm ... am sensing a theme.

anyways ... today i'm thankful for ... cooler weather and sunshine to help the concrete cure. oh yeah, and my hot tub!

company picnics . . .

2007-08-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

so today i had to go play the political game at our annual company "luau". so the story goes that our company was *founded* by two friends as they sat on a beach in hawaii. so every year around the time of that conversation we have a luau. usually it's held at some random place and usually on a weekday toward the end of the workday but this year our COO decided to host it at his house on a saturday so folks could bring their families. i was not sure i was going to make it but got a call from my boss offering to drive me. now very few of the people in our usual circle were going to be there so she was hoping she could convince me to join her and her husband. i really like her so i told her i'd think about it. well today i got all the things done i wanted to get done so i decided it would be a good *political* move for me to attend. it was as expected. the cliques emerged early and the kids were all wound up. we were there for less time than it actually took us to *drive* out to the scary 'burbs. just driving through that neighborhood made me uncomfortable. we came and went but we did at least show.

the sun . . .

2007-08-23T14:21:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful for . . . the sun

it's a beautiful day in portland today and i have the good fortune of having a friend who's hosting a pool party. should be a good time. am gonna bail outta work a bit early to be able to maximize my hanging out by the pool time.

finish what you started . . .

2007-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

so it's been 7 months since my relationship ended and as these things go it's been fairly *easy*and amicable. over this period of time, we've disentangled most of our lives and just had one item left to attend to – signing the papers to separate our domestic partnership. we had discussed that it needed to be done and that it wasn't an immediate priority when the separation first happened. but now it's been 7 mos and i'm ready to be *done*. our fair county requires that either both parties be present to separate the partnership or that one notify the other of their intent to do so via certified mail with a return receipt. i had hoped we could be adults and do it together since we'd both managed to show up to get *hitched* in the first place. when i was finally able to reach my ex yesterday to schedule said signing, she informed me that it would just be too much work for her to get there during business hours and could i just handle it and send her the letter. the only reason i agreed is that if i wait around for her handle it, it'll never get done. so today i dispatched the necessary letter and now just wait for the return receipt to hit my mailbox.

i guess i'm just annoyed that, yet again, i get left holding the bag of responsibility. she left and somehow now she's off the hook from signing the divorce papers. she could have at least had the respect to be present at the end of this relationship and finish what she'd started.

guiding spirits

2007-08-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful for . . . guiding spirits

since my introduction to yoga many years ago, i have been exposed to the whole new universe of spirituality. would not refer to myself as a particularly *religious* person (i'm a recovering catholic) but definitely feel that i've finally started to come to terms with my *spirituality*. i definitely don't believe that there's one puppet master in the sky – by any name – pulling all the strings. i do believe that there are spirits that guide us all. what we need and what we're going through at any particular time may change which particular spirit is guiding us at any particular moment. some spirits watch over us. some keep us out of trouble. while still others call to us to teach us something.

since my divorce two particular spirits have been calling me and yesterday i heeded their call. i had been reading and learning as much as i could about kali and durga for some time. have always been drawn to kali in particular because i've always admired her strength. she emits fierceness and energy but yet still maintains a nurturing side. i knew it was a big commitment to be a devotee of kali yet the draw continued. i decided that i was ready to carry her with me so i decided i should get her name tattooed on my wrist in sanskrit. my studies had taught me that she was the destroyer of egos and i knew it was a lesson that i needed to learn so i knew it was the right thing to do. durga is known as a great goddess and is the slayer of demons. the demons i am trying to slay are the impediments in my life caused by the old patterns which have guided me to this point. it's time to take control of my own life and live it as i see fit – screw what others think.

the more i read and learned about kali and durga, the more empowered i felt. the more i knew i had found my guiding spirits. the interesting part of all of my studies and research was that i somehow felt that i'd always been called to kali even before i knew who she was. i finally know why ... kali is sometimes known as the "mother of all language". well, that just was the final nail in the coffin for me. language has always been my love and now i knew why.

the two pics in this post are of my less than 24hr old tattoos. the top one is durga and the bottom one is kali. they're not great but i wanted to show them off. better pics soon after they heal.

farmer's markets

2007-08-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

today i'm thankful for . . . summer's bounty

i went to the farmer's market on sat am for the first time in a few weeks and got all the fixins for salad. this morning i was inspired to pack myself a big salad for lunch because i had all the goodies in the house. the farmer's market is one of my favorite places to be. when my ex and i lived in brooklyn, ny we frequented the farmer's market and were so grateful for having a market that went year-round within walking distance of our apt. learning to eat seasonally was a struggle but now i can't imagine doing anything else. it became a saturday tradition for us to go to prospect park and let the dog run around during the few off-leash hours that were allowed and then walk to the farmer's market to do our shopping for the week. we'd walk home loaded down with bags of tasty goodies and fall onto the couch to enjoy a cup of coffee by 10a. the dog would sleep till monday and we'd plan our food adventures for the week.

when we moved to portland, that tradition continued and expanded. for the first few years, we just continued our sat market tradition. then a few years ago, we became members of a csa (community supported agriculture). basically, we bought shares in a farm at the beginning of the season and then got a box of produce every week based on what had come out of the ground from june to november. there's no planning of what you want to cook until you open that box every saturday morning. what an adventure! we picked a csa that had a booth at our favorite farmer's market. we'd open our box each sat am to see what surprises awaited us that week and then fill in what we hadn't received from the other vendors in the market. i felt like i had to document each week's bounty for posterity so i would unpack all the loot when we got home & take pics of it all laid out on the counter. i know, i'm a food nerd!

so this summer has been a little hit & miss for me with the market. it's been hard to go to the market without her because it was such a part of who we were as a couple. i haven't really cooked for myself much since she left. i love to cook for other people but can't ever seem to motivate to just cook for myself. so this saturday i made a date with myself to go to the market and get some healthy food. i have learned to buy enough produce for one because i hate to waste. i want to reconnect with the enjoyment of preparing and eating food in a healthy way and not just to feed my body. i have to learn to enjoy cooking for myself as much as i love to cook collectively. cooking with and for someone is one of my favorite activities. it's amazing how *inspired* i get when i have someone to cook for.

it's interesting to learn how different people learn to eat different things. i wouldn't say i grew up in a *foodie* family. my mom recently expressed wonder at where i'd learned to eat radishes and beets! there have been a few people in my life that have introduced me to adventurous cuisines (aunt lisa to sushi, my big sister to indian, etc) but i can only give credit to my love of food and being a foodie to my ex. she was an amazing cook and could whip up meals out of thin air without ever referring to a single cookbook (even though she owned many). she really pushed me to open up my palette and try new things. hell, she made beets for 3 yrs and taunted me with her stained hands before i'd even try them. now i love them and make my own beet pickles all summer long. so thanks to a for showing me how *good* food could be and teaching my how to *eat* both well and responsibly.

a new tradition . . .

2007-08-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

decided this morning as i sat in the dentist chair (yes, it was a lovely way to start a monday morning!) that i had a lot of things to be thankful for. so i decided that i should start a new tradition on this blog. every day (even if i don't write anything else) i'll post something i'm grateful for ... starting today.

today i'm thankful for . . .
the wonderful friends i call my family. each and every one bring something to my life that i know adds so much richness and love that i'd miss it dearly if it weren't there.

calm in the eye of the storm . . .

2007-08-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

a peace has fallen over me in the last few days. a part of me has realized that i am finally comfortable with the fluctuations of my life. i have always been one to be rigid about how things are *supposed* to be. i am learning to embrace the uncertainty of life and to enjoy the surprises that get thrown at me by the universe. this whole weekend has been one full of little surprises. friday we had one of our monthly long-ass meetings that the whole company should attend. we usually drink heavily afterwards due to the fact that we've all been sitting in a windowless room for 5 hrs and listening to the oratories put forth my many members of our organization. blech! we have 2 new staff members that needed to be indoctrinated in our post-func tradition! had a few cocktails then headed home. on the way home, i got a call from jg. we made plans for a meeting that evening about some yard work and some hangout time. he was sweet enough to bring dinner over. we had a lovely evening of lounging by the fire in the backyard and drinking while we discussed the yard work and what should be done first. we hopped in the hot tub later in the evening to cap off the evening. was like old times when we'd end up hanging out for hours on some odd evening that he'd shuffle across the street in his slippers with the cordless phone. it was great to just have a quiet evening at home with a good friend.

saturday morning i got an early start and ran out to do some errands. had to pick up my new pants at the tailor, pick up a package at the post office, and go pick up a 1/2 barrel of lost coast great white i'd reserved a week prior. i went to the farmer's market with uma and ran into a friend i hadn't seen in awhile. we exchanged numbers and made a plan to hang out. it's nice to run into people from your community and reconnect. i had plans to go see storm & the balls play the wonder ballroom with some folks i was introduced to by an old friend from grad school in athens. it was their last show together for awhile. great to see a local band do so well and draw such a crowd. had 2 opening acts before the main event. one of them was fronted by an amazing female performer. the band was kleveland and the lead singer was named stephanie. she was so incredibly sexy and fierce. was a fantastic set and i'll definitely see them again.

headed over to outlaws to meet up with star and jenmc who had been to the rose city rollers (our local roller derby team) match that night and were at the after-party. it was lame there and we all wanted to dance. star got a call about a house party back in my 'hood so we headed there. it was fine but we didn't know many folks so we decided that we had time to make it to the eroom for a bit of dancing before they called last call. the music was good and it was fun to dance. was good to blow off steam. turned into a late night but well worth the loss of sleep.

today was productive but still a bit spontaneous. i spent some time planning the outdoor kitchen. drew up the plans and started a materials list. it's exciting to get planning on it. i really want to finish this project before my folks come in september. i've got a month to do so. i think i can get it done. keeping busy will keep me out of trouble. ;-) got a call from sarah and went shopping with her. bought a cool new shirt and flirted with a cute sales girl. might have to shop at diesel more often. went over to a bbq with a few of the sunday night girls then over to the bonfire to meet up with some friends for a quick cocktail. got home a bit ago and am chilling on the couch before heading off to bed.

has been a weekend of pleasant surprises and unplanned fun. it sounds like i haven't stopped in weeks (and i really haven't) but i feel remarkably calm despite all the activity. i think i'm starting to hit my groove and be comfortable with what my life is like now. i am active and that's ok because i like it. the lack of sleep is worth the friendships i'm cultivating and the experiences i've missed out on for the last 8 yrs. i am constantly surprised by the new people that have become such a part of my life in the last 7 mos. some are brand new like star & sweets while others i knew before but hadn't really spent a lot of quality time together like sarah. my life is so full of wonderful experiences and fantastic people and i feel blessed. i feel so much love and joy and am so content that even on my worst days i can still find something in my life to smile about. sometimes it's my dog and the way she's snoring on the couch next to me. sometimes it's a txt message from a new friend asking how i'm doing. or it's having a conversation with a new friend and just instantly *getting* each other. i am excited about what the future holds for the first time in a very long time. at the same time, i'm not tied to any particular future as long as i can find contentment. i used to live life by the book ... all planned out. now i just need to be sure to put some safeguards in place and then i'll be able let myself take some chances. i'm scared and excited all at the same time.

a "post-it" note . . .

2007-08-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

i have been reminded recently of one of my favorite sex and the city episodes. when a friend of mine referenced this episode, it struck a chord. then this morning as i'm getting ready for work i heard a dixie chicks song i hadn't heard in a very very very long time and the words just resonated. i don't believe in coincidences but i do believe that the universe knows how to send us messages when we need them.

and just when i thought it couldn't get any worse . . .

2007-08-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

i am reminded why i should follow my gut. why when your head and your gut tell you not to pursue that which you cannot have, you should listen. but most of us just ignore that voice, the ONLY voice to which one should listen, and continue to pursue. when the red flags and the warning signs get louder and harder to ignore, we find a way through the noise and learn how to tune it out so we can justify why we continue to pursue and pursue and pursue. even when the risk of pain is inevitable, we continue. and when the words materialize from that which you pursue you still find a way to convince yourself that the words actually mean the opposite of their sounds. and you justify to yourself how you, strong woman, could sell yourself out for a pretty girl you knew you could never have and really never should have wanted. the exhilaration of having someone pay attention to you – even the wrong kind of attention – after years of being an afterthought have conditioned you to be happy, content even, when the crumbs of attention are parceled out to you meticulously. you continue to believe that you can somehow set yourself apart from the pack but, in the end, the familiar is more comforting than the different...even when the different could be fantastic in ways never imagined. the different seems overwhelming and scary. and scary just means that falling back to the familiar is the *safe choice*. maybe someday the person that i pursue will be thrilled to make that leap to the different and take a risk to see if different could be good, great even.

another roller coaster day . . .

2007-08-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

things have been pretty up & down for awhile but yesterday was particularly so. being up so early and getting some exercise started the day off well but by mid-afternoon i was fading and frustrated with some work and personal stuff. then i received a call that got me all amped up again but i still had a low-level of sadness all day. had a few errands to run after work and then had plans to meet up with sweets & fifer around 7. ended up having an impromptu dinner of corn dogs & tater tots at the florida room with sarah and had a good time catching up. got the call from sweets that we were meeting at lucky's at 8ish so i headed there after dinner. was great to see those guys and hang out on the patio on a great portland evening. was a great evening and i didn't smoke at all despite being around smokers all night. wasn't even craving it. but . . .

on my way home, i cracked ... i admit it, i had a smoke. felt pretty bummed with myself. starting over again today. i can do this. i can do this. i can do this.

the only thing that stays the same is change . . .

2007-08-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

the last 7 months have been a pivotal period of transition and transformation for me. if i'd predicted what my life would look like on this day a year ago, my description wouldn't even resemble today's reality. while i wasn't thrilled or fully prepared for what caused this process to begin, i am now thankful for the opportunity it's given me. the chance to rekindle my relationship with myself, to re-examine my life's priorities (both personal and professional), to learn how to live alone and enjoy it, to meet new people and discover new places . . . so many that it's impossible to list them all.

the most critical seems to be that i have the time and energy to examine what i like and don't like about myself and decide what to keep and what to change. have made lots of changes in the last 6 mos - above and beyond the obvious one, buying a new house. i have bought a new car, changed my hair style, changed my overall style of dress, and have basically changed my outlook on life. change is good. it's cleansing. it's refreshing. and it's crazy scary. but ya gotta press on and do it.

on that note, today i started to get active again. i met up with sweets at 6a for a good brisk walk (although i know i slowed her down ;-) we walked till 7a, grabbed a cuppa joe and i headed to the office. decided while i was sweaty and needing a shower, i'd just do some weights too. felt good to move my body again. will definitely keep doing that ... the reward felt too good. will also be nice to reinforce the not smoking.

i've also scheduled an acupuncture appt for thursday to reinforce the not smoking thing. so far so good. have been continuing to take my breaks with my smoking buddies but not smoking. event went to a bar last night and drank but didn't smoke. i really think this time might be it.

more changes are coming ... i can just feel 'em. pretty exciting to have prospects on the horizon. pretty fun to actually be looking forward to change ... hasn't always been the case for me. i guess it just fits with the rest of the changes.

today is the day . . .

2007-08-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

i quit smoking. for good this time. i've smoked for 20 yrs with periods of not smoking mixed in. i've never stopped smoking for more than 6 mos at a time. my body is starting to reject it and feel horrible. i am spending too much money on cigarettes. am looking forward to having more money in my pocket to save and put towards my trip to europe next spring. wish me luck this time. but i feel like i won't need it. i think this time is the one where i'll be able to keep it up. updates on the process to come...

Random Thoughts

A much needed quote

running

knowing my boundaries

adjustments in approach

getting out of bed

Inner strength

the small stuff

so it's been awhile . . .

YES, WE DID!

big news . . .

Food ...

so i know it's kinda ridiculous but . . .

my newest love . . .

i feel so untalented . . .

the house is officially on the market . . .

it's done! . . . well almost

big news . . .

today's distraction . . .

no i'm just drunk . . .

greetings from the land of mosquitos . . .

almost home . . .

the tour is finally *over* . . .

italy is amazing . . .

greetings from cinque terre . . .

the eagle has landed . . .

we're ready for liftoff . . .

dance . . .

kitchen update #4 . . .

kitchen update . . .

tick tock . . .

so i'm selling my benz . . .

more remodel pics . . .

update . . .

i blame the parents for this . . .

remodel pics . . .

the kitchen remodel has begun . . .

gotta love new yorkers . . .

birthdays . . .

the most wonderful feeling . . .

love is in the air . . .

inspiration . . .

weekend report . . .

no trip for me . . .

new beginnings . . .

what if . . .

the internet party . . .

What Happens When Google's Parents Leave Town for the Weekend?

change is afoot . . .

damned if you do & damned if you don't . . .

no sign of intelligent life . . .

so i was cruising youtube today . . .

they're really thought of everything now . . .

a new year has begun . . .

98 days . . .

merry christmas . . .

life has been a bit out of hand lately . . .

anticipation . . .

seasons change . . .

i am the proud owner of a motorcycle license . . .

movie night . . .

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?

cabaret . . .

sake sake everywhere . . .

bike update . . .

centering . . .

they say you can't go back . . .

the world lost an amazing man last night . . .

tgif . . .

closure . . .

new toys . . .

hibernation . . .

ikea and the new home-away-from-home . . .

mind-blowing . . .

a decade-long dream comes true . . .

desire . . .

continued minimal sleep . . .

recovering . . .

a dark day . . .

weekend report . . .

the tour is finally over . . .