on my way home . . . in more ways than one

my trip has been fabulous and have had a wonderful time but am so thrilled to be headed home. last night bd and her beau showed me a great time. we headed to mirror for dinner. we ended up sitting at the bar and having tapas while chatting up the owner and the bartender since they are regulars in this lovely place. i had 3 old fashioned cocktails ... when in the south, i must drink as much bourbon as possible. oh, who am i kidding? i drink bourbon all the time - it just tastes better here. ;-) the tapas array included a lamb casoulet; fabulous fried chicken and mashed potatoes (ok, not a tapa but we got it anyway); some lovely corona beans; an antipasto plate which had prosciutto, goat cheese, tomato jam and olives; and beefsteak and golden tomatoes that were so juicy that they almost dripped down your chin. we drank so much that we realized this morning that we didn't eat enough! fortunately, there was no hangover this am but there was definitely hunger. smartly, we left the car at the restaurant and walked home. this am, bd and i headed to the frothy monkey for breakfast and then continued to walk up the block to get the car. i had to go to walgreens to buy a duffel bag to carry home all the booty i have acquired on this trip! yikes.

bd had to head to the office so i'm hanging out at the house before i drive myself to the airport in a bit. will try to get some work done during my traveling to make my re-entry easier tomorrow. i'd like to be able to fuck around while robyna is here so i'm thinking i should try to do some spec writing while drinking in the airport bar. i've already checked myself in for my flight. was able to get a "exit row" seat for the long leg from houston back to pdx. hopefully, i'll get some work done.

this week has been really good for me. has given me the chance to reconnect with my roots while contemplating the transitions i'm going through back home in pdx. as soon as my relationship ended i vowed to travel more and see the people i loved more. to that end, i booked this trip. i knew i needed to see the people that knew me pre-marriage to be reminded of who i was at my core. this last 6 mos has been one of returning to myself and this has been instrumental to that process. one of the things i realized during the transition of divorce is that i have always put on a persona in reaction to the person i was with. i think that pattern has contributed to my lack of comfort with myself and my body. as i strive to find comfort with myself, i'm noticing that i'm a much more gender-fluid person than i ever dreamed. there are definitely parts of me that are very masculine while others are incredibly feminine. i've lived both extremes individually but have never been able to embrace them simultaneously. i feel like i'm in that space now. am enjoying toying with the line of male and female, of top and bottom, of butch and femme. dichotomies and boundaries are meant to be challenged. i am finding my *home* in myself by blurring the lines.

last day in nashville

so today is my last full day in nashville. have had a wonderful time but am also ready to get home. i miss star and look forward to seeing her face and feeling her presence in the room. am looking forward to seeing robyna when she arrives on thursday. am looking forward to sitting in my backyard with my dog and not feeling like i'm dripping sweat between my breasts.

more on the trip . . . on sunday i hung out with my aunt lisa. we started the morning with bloody marys and the republican debate (goddess knows you have to drink while watching republicans try to justify their idiotic political ideologies). we headed off to brunch and then i drove back to nashville. used the 4 hr drive for catching up . . . talked to mom, abuela, star, and sarah. mostly made good time and listened to as much country music as i could. got back to nashville in time to eat dinner with the family and then sit down to a night of hbo tv programming with some friends of my hosts. we watched big love, john from cincinnati, and entourage. big love was great and i'm totally sucked into entourage. i think i'm going to have to add big love & entourage to my netflix list.

today, bd and i had a day of errands. got to see the vandy campus and bought some schwag in the vandy bookstore. we're off to dinner tonight. bd and sloop are taking me to their local pub/restauant called mirror. we went for cocktails there on wed night. seemed like a nice place. food looked interesting.

totally feels like being in a different country here. have been to a target, a borders, and a kroger (twice) in this trip. good reminder that all of the country is not portland but so scary and ready to go home.

on the road again . . .

tonight i leave for a trip to see 3 of the most amazing women in my life. my first stop is in nashville, tn ... home to the grand ole opry and many many honky tonks. i am going to visit the woman who gets the most credit for my political education, bd. had the pleasure of meeting her at a point in my life where i wasn't sure what i was doing or where i was going. i was a naïve 22 year old and had no idea what women's studies meant or why anyone would need to study it. needless to say, after many nights on her front porch drinking gin & tonics, i saw the light. i ended up changing my thesis topic and shuffling my committee so she could be on it. and the rest, as they say, is herstory. bd lives in nashville with her beau now and teaches at vanderbilt where i'm sure she's blowing students' minds like she did mine.

she's made the last few trips out to portland so i figured it was high time i hopped on a plane and went to see what nashville was all about. i'll spend 3 days there and then head off to cincinnati, oh. i know, i know, why would anyone plan a trip to those 2 cities in the heat of summer. well, i'm not sure but i did!

there i'll get to visit my big sister from college and meet my niece. my sister has known me since i was 18 years old and we were hustling boys at pool! people really thought we were sisters so it just stuck. almost a year ago, after much trying, she & her hubby (the cutest man ever) had my niece, cass. i figured i'd better go meet her before she hit her 1st bday. so i've got a suitcase full of presents so i can spoil my little girl. am so happy to visit now because my sis is preggers again – twins this time. yikes. can't believe that very soon she'll have 3 kids under 18 mos in the house. god bless her ...

i'll also get to visit my aunt lisa. she was *almost* a prof of mine. bd used to teach at the university of cincinnati and knew lisa from there. over the years i got to know her as well. after i'd graduated from my master's program, i considered going to uc to do a joint degree program they have that gets you a master's in women's studies and a juris doctor in 4 yrs. alas, it wasn't meant to be as i never got into the law school (lsats be damned) and i met my ex and ended up in nyc and later here in portland. we've kept in touch over the years and she's just a goddess to me.

i'll be in cincy till sunday and then head back to nashville for a few more days before coming home on tues pm. am looking forward to getting outta town and having some fun. i've been promised my favorite meal by bd – who's an awesome cook – of chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes and greens! yum! mouth's watering already. i've also been promised a visit to a real deal honky tonk! yee haw.

work's been nuts so i'm looking forward to *unplugging* for a week. it'll also be good to let things cool with star for a few days. i'm totally smitten and i think she is too. i had lunch with her today and brought her flowers at work. she thanked me for them and rewarded me with a kiss that made me wish it could go on forever. i'm sure i'll talk to her while i'm gone. hope we'll be able to make some plans for when i get back. time's ticking down ... only 6 weeks left till she leaves.

reports from the road soon . . .