a dark day . . .

six years ago today the world changed for a lot of us. even if you weren't in one of the immediate places, i'm sure you were affected somehow – you knew someone there, you were touched by the news, it made you political, you're by default still affected somehow, we all are.

for me, it was a personal day. i was still living in nyc (actually it was what finally pushed me to be ready to leave) and was riding the subway that morning as the planes hit everywhere. i had just gone under the wtc when they hit the towers. i had no idea what was happening at the time. just frustrated that my commute was taking so damn long. when i finally reached the office, i found out what had happened. i ran to my desk to call my ex. thankfully she had already left me a message that she was still at home and would see me there whenever i could get there. her office was 3 blocks south of wtc so needless to say i was relieved to here that she was safely back in brooklyn and not down on wall street. i was fortunate enough to have a place in the city to hang out until they opened the subways back up and i could get home. i think my most vivid memory of that day is how beautiful of a day it was and how silent it became at the drop of a hat. i remember walking down 5th avenue (in the middle of the street, mind you, not on the sidewalk) in total silence. there were no cars, no cabs, just masses of people walking. i remember looking up and just staring at the skyline because i couldn't get my bearings. i knew i was walking south but without the towers as the beacon that they were it was very odd. it was such a gorgeous day - hot, 80s, sunny, clear blue skies ... but then there was the plume of smoke rising from where the towers had been.

when i finally got home that afternoon around 4p, i had never been so happy to be there. we were without phones for awhile and the smoke was still billowing for a few days afterwards. i remember wanting to be around people - any people. i remember wanting to build as big of a community as i could. somehow i felt that it would make it all ok.

i had left nyc by the 1st anniversary. i don't think i could have stayed much longer than i did. but every year on this day, i get sad all over again. i remember the fear i felt that day and still feel ... but now i'm not scared of the events of that day (nor of the people that perpetrated them). i'm afraid of people forgetting the sense of unity we felt after that and letting the politicians continue to drive wedges between people for their own gains. it's so hard to remember the good that came out of that day when we keep hearing "the terrorists are gonna get us", "either you're with us or against us", "the war is making us safer", "you hate america because you're against the war". you're damn right i'm against the war. it's not the one we should be fighting.

thomas jefferson once said: "the spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occassions, that i wish it to be always kept alive. it will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. i like a little rebellion now and then."

so today i hope that we can all spark a little rebellion and stand up for what america really stands for and honor the true spirit of the day ... unity with diversity.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that i survived that day as did all my immediate friends/family