98 days . . .

i finally booked the amsterdam leg and return date for my trip to europe. my mom and i are doing an 11-day tour of northern italy and then i'm tacking on a few days in rome by myself before heading to amsterdam to meet up with some friends for a 30th birthday celebration.

i had until today (of course, i procrastinated till then) to book my return. i had been waiting to see if it made sense for mac to meet me in rome for a romantic week together. the more we talked about it given everything else going on, the more sense it made for me to come back earlier. we're talking about a trip to bc for our birthdays in late feb/early march and maybe a trip to santa fe in late may before we move in together. we're also starting to plan my kitchen remodel. all of those things combined just didn't leave us enough $$ to do rome this year too.

am excited about the trip to europe nonetheless but i can't imagine being away from her for 21 days right now. i'm sure it'll be fine but will still be hard to be away from suki for that long too. i've added a few days on either end of the europe to see some family in tampa. i think dad's finally gonna have a puppy for me too so i may be coming home with it. his latest litter of dobies is due on jan 2nd and hopefully there's a puppy with my name on it out of the 8-10 pups that are born. have been wanting to get a pup for suki to have a buddy for awhile. it's interesting that it's finally coming now. mac's dog and suki are starting to get along. we'll see how it is with a 3rd dog in the mix.

so today i'm thankful for ... a trip to look forward to and some great memories i'm sure

merry christmas . . .

what a great christmas i've had ... it's been one of the best i think i've ever had. anunce throws a *christmas bender* every year and this year i was finally able to partake. i do admit that i didn't *bend* incredibly far ... i ate well and drank well and enjoyed fantastic company. oh yeah ... and it snowed today! i had just said to mac yesterday that i had never had a white christmas and today i did! was so cool!

the bender kicked off last night sitting by the fire drinking prosecco. i headed home to take care of the dogs ... i have boo as well as suki since mac is visiting her mom for the holiday. (the pic in this post was taken today ... it's the first time boo has *voluntarily* shared a piece of furniture with suki!) i was in charge of breakfast for 10 this am and made 2 frittatas and a double batch of gluten-free pancakes yesterday. got there around 1030a and heated breakfast through in the oven while we had coffee with bailey's, bloody marys, and mimosas. we opened presents and we each had a stocking (including the 4 dogs). was so much fun! after breakfast, i headed home to watch some basketball with jg and make some greens for dinner. headed back over there for dinner around 430 and we had a feast! you couldn't even see the kitchen island because there were so many different dishes. i am *still* full and we ate 3 hours ago!

*the only thing missing this year is that mac and i couldn't wake up together on our first christmas* she called around 730a so it was kinda like we woke up together. she gets back tomorrow am at 7 and i can't wait to see her smiling face. we plan to have christmas at new years and are going away to manzanita to ring in the new year. it's gonna be a great year ... i can just feel it. the hardest part is waiting to give her all the presents i bought her. i hope she likes 'em all!

i am grateful that this year is almost over and have been reflecting on the major changes that have transpired this year. to think of where i was last year at this time to where i am now is a pretty major shift. i am very pleased that i've had the experiences and am thankful for the dear people in my life who have been there for me and helped me grow. i am so thoroughly amazed and grateful for mac. i can no longer imagine what my life looks like without her presence. we are planning the kitchen remodel and starting to talk of our future together. our priorities are very much in line and we're planning trips and a beautiful home together. i know that wherever we live will be a comfortable haven for our love to grow and i look forward to waking up with her every morning for many years to come.

life has definitely been crazy recently and i was asked by a friend if i'd just given up on the blog ... i haven't but have been a bit tentative to write too much as i'm enjoying the newness and vagueness of this beautiful union. i'm hesitant to label it ... to put a box around the surrealness of it. it all feels like a ethereal dream that i am living each day. it's so hard to explain how close we've gotten and how *right* it feels. i try to put words on it but it doesn't make sense to anyone but us. even the dogs are getting along. i am blessed to be sitting on the couch with one on either side of me. the only thing missing that would make this moment more perfect is having mac sitting next to me. soon ...

today i'm grateful for ... my wonderful friends and a fantastic white christmas

life has been a bit out of hand lately . . .

so as i'm sure you've noticed, my daily postings about life and the happenings have come to a screeching halt. suffice it to say, life's been a bit crazy . . . in a good way though. i've been spending most of my free time with mac and have been having the time of my life.

we had a wonderful time in the willamette valley a few weekends ago visiting several wineries and having a romantic weekend away. the 2005 pinot noir release party at sokol blosser was outstanding. ended up buying a few bottles of 2005 estate cuvée pinot noir and yet another case of their 2006 rosé of pinot noir that is so highly drinkable. paid a visit to the torii mor winery and picked up a 2005 late harvest gewurtzraminer before stopping through at argyle to pick up their outstanding 2005 brut rosé to put up for a special occasion.

after all that fanciness, we decided that a down-home lunch was in order so we stopped in at huckabee's bbq right next door to argyle. they weren't quite open but i guess we looked cute enough that they let us in anyway. had a great tri-tip plate with some good collards and cornbread. we did a bit of shopping at the dapper frog and at dundee garden art (where i found really cool brass numbers for my house).

we kept on to mcminnville and checked into the hotel and had a lovely evening of strolling through town and lounging in each other's company. had a fantastic breakfast at the crescent cafe and did even more shopping at cowgirl mercantile (got the coolest shirts there!) before heading back to our *normal* lives. i honestly can't stress enough how good breakfast was ... no, really! i sat there over a plate of biscuits and pork gravy that had chunks (and i do mean chunks) of smoked ham hock and the hash browns were to die for. we'd started breakfast with mimosas made with argyle brut ... we were in wine country after all.

after a lovely dinner at home that night, we went back to the normalcy that is the work week. fortunately, it was a short week! we got the good news that mac had friday and saturday off so we planned a long weekend together. we'd invited some friends for thanksgiving dinner (yes, we made *all* the fixins) but they ended up getting hung up in seattle. despite that, we had a really nice quiet thanksgiving at my place. luckily we got the call early enough in the day that we could scale the menu & portions back enough to not have enough to feed an army!

friday was spent just hanging out and cruising the racks at the goodwill in beaverton. you'd be amazed at some of the shit you can find out there. i managed to walk out with 5 bags *stuffed* full of stuff and a crockpot! the find of the day was a leather trench coat for $40! it's beautiful and fits like a dream. that night we had leftovers and watched bring it on as mac had never seen it - and that's just not right in my book. saturday was a quiet day hanging around the house. suki had an eye appointment (they're still doing about the same as last year - best we can hope for at this point) and then we met mac's friends (who'd finally made it down from seattle) for dinner at green papaya for some thai food. they had the most beautiful 1yo little girl who was a blast to hang out with. we had plans to meet up with some friends for double down at holocene so we got there around 10p. we thought dj harmony was going to be on that night and were looking forward to it. turns out she couldn't make it and the dj they got to replace her wasn't what we were in the mood for so we headed home early.

sunday we met up with the seattle friends at their hotel (they were staying at the ace and it was very nice) for coffee and more hanging out with them and their cute baby girl. ended up hanging with them until 1ish and then dropped by powell's and buffalo exchange because we were in the 'hood. i met up with my friend cg for a wine tasting around 4 and then was off to the grocery store for supplies. made dinner and hit the hot tub to round out an amazing 4 day weekend together.

i have to say – it was probably one of the best of my life ... and the funny thing is that i said that the weekend before about our weekend away. bodes well as far as i can tell. ;-)

so today i'm thankful for . . . an amazing woman in my life and the great memories we're making together

anticipation . . .

can be sweet and torturous. mac left to visit some friends in california yesterday and i've been missing her since she left. we've exchanged some very sweet text messages and had some nice phone calls but i still miss her near me. she'll be home tomorrow night and it's not soon enough for me!

we have our first weekend getaway planned this weekend. we're headed down to the willamette valley wine country for the 2005 pinot noir release at sokol blosser winery then plan to spend a night at the hotel oregon in mcminnville. am very much looking forward to getting out of town with her. only thing that would make it better would be the weather being nice enough to ride our bikes down there.

today i'm thankful for . . . the perspective gained from some distance

seasons change . . .

today i'm thankful for . . . the changing seasons and someone to cuddle with

i am the proud owner of a motorcycle license . . .

so this weekend was another crazy weekend. i spent the majority of it in a motorcycle safety class so i could get my endorsement on my license and be a *legal* motorcycle driver. turns out most people don't bother with getting their endorsements. i was the only person in my class of 12 that *hadn't* been riding illegally for quite some time. who knew?

spent fri night, saturday, and sunday in class and walked out with all the necessary credentials to go the dmv and get my license. was very cool. felt very comfortable by the end of the weekend and was able to go for my first ride on my precious new bike with mac on sunday afternoon. i can't even begin to describe how cool it is to ride a motorcycle . . . much less be able to share that experience with your lover while she's on her own bike. the first ride was cool. i felt like i'd been riding my bike for years. what an adrenaline rush to be on a bike.

went for a ride again after work yesterday. am trying to ride as much as possible before the bikes get put away for the winter and i have to spend a week in may remembering how to ride the damn thing! we're already planning some bike road trips ... bc here we come!

so today i'm thankful for . . . sharing experiences and creating new memories

movie night . . .

i love small independent films and i also really enjoy seeing movies in comfortable theaters. a few months ago, the living room theaters opened in portland. they only show independent films and have a great bar/restaurant/cafe. the seats are comfy and you can lift the armrest between some seats and snuggle up in a loveseat with your date.

i had been wanting to see the new parker posey movie called "broken english" since it came out a few months ago. mac and i had discussed going to see it for a few weeks and last night we finally made a date to go. she picked me up around 8p and we headed off to the theater. we had a very nice date and really enjoyed the movie.

i thoroughly enjoy the time she & i spend together. we enjoy each other's company and have lots of common interests. it's nice to be dating someone who likes quirky movies, 3 hr meals, and music/dancing. our connection over music is just amazing and thrilling. we love the same kind(s) of music and love to dance . . . and we do so for hours sometimes. the way she smiles when she dances is so damn attractive that i can't help but smile as well.

so today i'm thankful for . . . dating someone with whom i have such a deep connection

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You?

Which Dyke to Watch Out For Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mo You are Mo, a guilt-ridden, kindhearted liberal who doesn't relax enough. You are ordered to buy a pint of non-organic, dairy ice cream and watch Comedy Central for a week. PBS will still be there when you get back. Mo 80% Stuart 70% Lois 65% Sydney 65% Toni 60% Clarice 55% Sparrow 45%

cabaret . . .

so i have a closet love of musicals. i think living in nyc sparked a love of theater for me but i do admit to a life-long love of "grease". after all, i have been called "rizzo" by some friends for a very long time.

i've always been a bit *hesitant* to see the local productions of some shows but when cabaret was being put on by our local theater company staring storm large i just had to see it for myself. i bought tickets as soon as they went on sale and waited ... saturday was finally the day for the show. mac got the day off and joined me. we had great seats (although we arrived a bit late and had to sit in the *sin bin* aka the back wall until intermission). i have been a fan of storm large's for a couple of years and think she's an amazing musician and H - O - T! got to see the last show that she played with her band, the balls, back in august at the wonder ballroom. so when i heard she was going to play the lead part of sally bowles in cabaret i ran right out and bought the tickets. the added bonus was that another great local actor was cast as the emcee. wade mccollum is just an amazingly talented individual. i had the pleasure of seeing him in a one-man show last year called "i am my own wife" and he just blew me away.

cabaret is an already baudy show ... somehow this production just took it over the top. was so much fun and i just walked out giddy. there were times that i forgot it was storm as sally and that just proves how amazing of a job she did.

so today i'm thankful for . . . great theater and someone to share it with.

sake sake everywhere . . .

a new sake bar opened on alberta recently called zilla saké house. mac and i went last night and had a great time. the bar has a very chill atmosphere and nice ambience. the saké list was immense and the owners/staff were very knowledgeable about the product. we did a few flights and tasted 6 different sakés before settling on one in particular. it was called "Midori-kawa 'Green River' Honjozo". was very smooth & delicious. the food was great as well. we had their japanese vegetable curry and the baked unagi with rice. the unagi was outstanding. we'll definitely be back . . .

so today i'm thankful for . . . new experiences in new places with fun people

bike update . . .

so i finally got registered for a motorcycle safety class so i can get out on my new bike. i've not driven a motorcycle in over a decade and felt that it was the smartest thing to do to get reacquainted and feel *safe* on the road.

so the weekend of 11/2-11/4 i'll be in a safety course and if i complete it will walk/drive out with my motorcycle endorsement on my license. yay!

i'll post more once the class is over and whether or not i passed!

centering . . .

not even sure how to explain the feelings going on right now for me. am on cloud 9 and floating off the ground due to the amazing woman i've met and am spending time with. we have an indescribable connection that makes no sense. even though it's only been a month or so, it's a very deep connection that we share and are enjoying immensely. it doesn't feel rushed or overwhelming. just delicious and peaceful. i cherish each moment we get to share and look forward to seeing how this develops.

at the same time, i realize that in order to be fully present as i explore this connection i must be present with myself and that means setting my priorities in such a way as to not *lose* myself in the newness and power of my feelings when i'm with her. i know i have the tendency to completely fall down a rabbit-hole when i meet a new person and i then find myself neglecting both my needs and obligations to a point that i feel completely out of sorts. i don't want that to happen this time. i want to take it slow and learn about each other while maintaining our own lives and continuing to grow as individuals.

i can honestly say that i've never felt this *healthy* about any relationship. while a part of me wants to see her every day and just forget that the outside world exists, i know that i cannot do that and still feel as if i'm taking care of myself. i am learning that to feel *whole* i must be able to be with myself and pay attention to what my body needs and what my mind needs to feel centered. i am grateful that i've met someone that can appreciate that need and has no hesitation to ask for that space for herself as well. it's a precious understanding of oneself and one that i respect very much. i think i've reached a point in my life where i couldn't be with someone that didn't have that awareness of themselves and their needs.

so today i'm thankful for ... self-awareness both in myself and in the people i hold dear.

they say you can't go back . . .

made a trip to the old neighborhood of park slope, brooklyn last weekend. was a whirlwind trip as i was on the ground for a total of 36 hours. stayed with an old friend in her 217 sq ft studio apt. super cute but wow ... small! i still can't believe 4 of us slept there. was fun tho.

took the red eye direct flight from pdx-jfk from jetblue on friday night and arrived at 830a et. fortunately was able to sleep on the plane since my body was exhausted. i'd had a long week and taken mac's hip hop fitness class at 530p that night. was just what my body needed before sitting on a long flight. took a cab to park slope and went out for coffee & brunch with my friend and her new girl. took a stroll around the 'hood – so much has changed and so much hasn't. i was on a mission for a coat so we stopped into a few shops. ended up with a beautiful coat and some t-shirts from brooklyn industries. picked up a shirt for mac that i knew she'd love (and she did). headed into manhattan for the cursory stop at loehmann's ... especially if a *coat* is what you're looking for. i was successful in my quest for a dress rain coat that i could wear year-round and for $80 no less ... god bless loehmann's! walked around chelsea for a bit looking for a cuban-chinese place i used to frequent but couldn't find it so we ended up at cuba cafe for a late lunch before heading back to park slope to get ready for the margaret cho show we had tickets to that night.

the show was amazing as to be expected. the premise was to be a burlesque show that celebrated all types of women's bodies. was hilarious and raunchy and thought-provoking. suffice it to say, i laughed and howled the whole show and didn't expect to ever in my 15 yrs of being a margaret cho fan think i'd see her naked wearing only a dong and pasties! what an amazing celebration of women! so glad i got the opportunity to see that show.

after the show, we headed back to park slope for a little pre-func at the apartment before heading off to cattyshack to get our dance on. who woulda thunk that there'd be a dyke dance bar on 4th ave in park slope? was a good time. nice to see so many dark-skinned girls out dancing ... especially coming from pdx where women of color are the exception rather than the rule. danced till around 2a and had lots of fun.

sunday i headed out for brunch with another old friend who had popped into town to see me while i was there. we had a long conversation at rose water over a delicious meal of duck confit hash and pear ginger waffle. stuffed ourselves silly then walked around the 'hood as it was a beautiful fall day in nyc. took her to a few places i'd been shopping the day before and she bought a stunning coat. we put her on a subway up to meet another friend on the upper east side and headed to get some lunch and have a pint at the gate before i headed back to jfk to head home. stopped for a pint at a great pub on 4th ave called the cherry tree. had an awesome courtyard and we stayed longer than we really had time to but was so much fun. we motivated and grabbed some yummy fish tacos at bogotá and headed over the eat at the gate – just like old times. the gate was like our living room when we lived in the slope. most major events were held there - birthdays, going away parties, etc. was great to sit out on the patio and look across the street at the old apt.

we walked back to the apt and i called a cab and headed to the airport. i had a wonderful time but was very ready to be home. i knew mac was waiting for me and i couldn't wait to see her.

so today i'm thankful for . . . old friends and old 'hoods that remind you where you came from and how far you've come.

the world lost an amazing man last night . . .

just got a call from my ex that her grandfather had passed last night. it was not unexpected as he had been sick for quite some time but is still a very sad day.

ersel hallsted was possibly the sweetest old man i've ever met. he was just a jolly man who had nothing but love for all the people in his life. he and i had a pretty special bond that we'd built over the last 8 yrs and i'm sad to know i can't see his smile again as i walk in the door and say "hey, good looking".

i'm very bummed that i didn't actually make it down there to visit him on sunday. the weekend just got away from me. the memorial will be later this month and i'm going to do everything i possibly can to be there.

am going to miss you, ers.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that he's not suffering anymore.

tgif . . .

today i'm thankful that it's friday

has been a pretty emotionally-charged and stressful week both personally and professionally. took the opportunity to work from home today so i could be heads-down on my deliverable. have gotten lots done but still think i'll be working a bit on sunday to get it done before monday am. am gonna continue to pound away for a few more hours and then call it good for today ... my brain's about fried.

have a wine-tasting date with my friend c tonight. she's coming up to my 'hood and we're gonna try out every day wine. haven't been available on a sat night to meet her at vixens for a few weeks so we decided to try to sneak a friday night tasting in. am looking forward to it both for the company and for the fact that i'll be about 5 blocks from home. :-)

looking forward to another good weekend. the report will follow . . . .

closure . . .

today i'm thankful for . . . closure

new toys . . .

finally bit the bullet today and got a new phone. i had been unhappy with my phone for quite some time and hand held out the 2 yrs to actually replace it. so after much research, i got the new motorola q 9m for verizon. got it home and it was ready to use within 15 mins. i'm very pleased. i have some concerns about battery life so an extended battery is on the way.

more reviews as i use it more. for now, i'm off to bed. after sleeping through 2 alarm clocks this am and finally waking to a txt message reminding me of a meeting i had in 15 mins, i think my body is telling me to get some rest.

so today i'm thankful for . . . new technology and helpful sales people.

hibernation . . .

as an only child and a pisces, a part of me always feels the need to step back occasionally and hibernate. now, anyone that knows me knows that i'm an incredibly social person so they might find it hard to believe that even i get overwhelmed by people (no matter how much i care for them) sometimes. i have been outwardly focused for the last few weeks – for several reasons (my folks' visit, meeting and getting to know mac, work, etc). it became pretty obvious last night that i really needed to take a step back and check in with myself and see where i am with all the emotions running through me at the moment.

have had a fairly solitary and quiet day. woke up this am and didn't even turn on opb. i wanted to sit with the silence. while i didn't sit on the mat, i did sit with my thoughts as i showered and got ready for the day ahead. didn't make my usual cup of coffee at home as i wanted to just sit with myself for as long as i didn't have to *interact* with anyone (which meant basically all the way to work). i sat on the bus and listened to some comforting music and realized it was the longest i hadn't spoken in at least a few days. i sat with that for a long while and enjoyed not having to speak while taking in my surroundings and checking in with my body and mind.

after such an emotionally charged weekend, i was feeling a bit out of touch with myself. and i know it sounds crazy to say i meditated on the bus, it works for me. i am one of those people that can take a book into a loud restaurant, get a table for one and devour my reading material while i enjoy a great meal. all the while, the hustle & bustle could go on around me and i'd be oblivious. it's the joy and pain of being a pisces sometimes.

the weather has changed here for sure and i can only surmise that the cold and rain are adding to my desire to hunker down and hibernate in my cozy home with a warm dog on my lap. i have started to pull out my winter wardrobe and *nest* again like i did when i first moved in last spring. getting the house in order is a way of checking in with myself and assuring that my safe haven is, in fact, a comfortable space in which i can relax and recharge.

have been talking to my friend who's a color consultant again and hope to schedule some time for her to come over and help me pick out my paint schemes. i am anxious to add my special touches to this great house and make it feel even more homey. i plan to be here for a long while and so i might as well make it mine.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the changing seasons that make us return to our roots and re-examine our priorities.

ikea and the new home-away-from-home . . .

an ikea opened in pdx in july. when the actual opening day came, people had been camped outside in line for days! granted, i love swedish kitsch as much as the next girl. however, i don't see much reason to sleep in the streets for mass-produced schwag. i finally decided i needed to make a trip though as i was in need of some organizational assistance with winter coming and nowhere to put my sweaters and coats. i had made an ikea date with sarah who was unable to join me. it worked out that mac needed to make a trip to return an item she'd bought the week prior so we went together. was nice to have her designer eye with me as that's something i struggle with. we spent 2 solid hours cruising the store - each with our distinct list. i had finally selected a combination of items for the creation of an armoire (my main reason for making the trek) but alas, the cabinet itself was out of stock. drats! now i'm going to have to go back. ugh!

i did however score some very nice finds. i got a very nice chair/ottoman cushion set for my chair in a comfy brown leather. i also purchased another tractor-seat style seat for my studio downstairs. but was thwarted on my mission.

after ikea, i dropped mac off at home and met up with anunce and the crew at the new bar down the street, the bye and bye. anunce had her birth mom in town from cambridge, mass and we *had* to meet her. she was a lovely lady and am so glad for anunce that they seem to be forging a relationship after all these years.

but really, back to the bye and bye. anunce and i had been there on friday afternoon and fell in love with the place instantly. there was something about it that felt oddly familiar. the added bonus was that it was a non-smoking bar. anunce being on day 4 and i on day 7 at the time had decided that we needed a new place to hang out given the smokiness of our usual home bar. we chatted up the bartender and ordered some food and got the back story on the bar. there were 6 co-owners who all work the bar and basically did the renovation themselves. one of them is named john and had worked at the grit in athens, ga. it was no wonder that the "georgia bowl" seemed so familiar and comfortable. (did i mention the entire menu is vegan?) it was basically a dish i ate several times a week for many years back in grad school. yummy! the feel was great and the jukebox was delightful. i think we've found our new place. and the best part for me is that it's exactly 7 blocks from my house. yippee!

more antics to ensue at the bye and bye i'm sure!!!

so today i'm thankful for . . . new places that bring back old memories.

mind-blowing . . .

i had the most amazing date of my life this weekend.

today i'm thankful for . . . wonderful dates involving great food & even better company!

a decade-long dream comes true . . .

as anyone who knows me or has read my blog knows, this year has been one of transformation and reclamation for me. i've reconnected with old friends, made new ones, re-evaluated my priorities and made some fairly major changes in my life (new house, new car, new wardrobe, new attitude) and today another dream came true.

for as long as i can remember i have wanted a bike. not just any bike though. a very specific bike with a very specific paint job. i found said bike a few days ago on craigslist (in my price range even!). today, my big bro, z, went out with me to test drive it and drive it back should i decide to buy it. it's been 13 years since i've driven a bike (ridden on plenty in that time) so i no longer have my motorcycle license. plus he's the most knowledgeable bike guy i know. i trust his opinion and never would buy a bike without his endorsement. he gave me the thumbs up so i am now the proud owner of this beautiful piece of machinery.

it's a 1997 honda shadow 600 vlx deluxe. has 11,500 original miles on it. brand new leather saddle bags and the paint job is impeccable. this thing looks like it just drove off the showroom floor yesterday not 10 yrs ago! i talked the guy down $100 and he threw in a really nice helmet. z drove it back here and gave it the thumbs up which is impressive because he's not really a *cruiser* bike kinda guy. he rides a beautiful ktm 900 adventure bike.

i'm looking forward to the private lessons he's gonna give me to help me get my permit. then i'll go take a motorcycle class so i can feel really comfy on it. the bike is the perfect size for me and i can sit on it with both feet flat on the ground and my knees bent. the handlebars and pegs are in the right spot as well. it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

i'm so excited i can barely contain myself . . .

so today i'm thankful for . . . the universe dropping my dream bike in my lap and a good friend to share the experience with.

desire . . .

so torturous and so fun. just can't stop smiling today.

so today i'm thankful for . . . good company and hungry kisses

continued minimal sleep . . .

so i had an amazing weekend . . . thursday after work a group of folks from work got together to celebrate a coworker's upcoming nuptuals. we had a great time at saucebox and then z and i hung out in the backyard for one more beer before he headed home. mac called later that evening and we had another great conversation. friday brought another after-work drinking engagement with the *ladies*. we are a crew of 8 that used to work together (some of us still do) and we try to get together regularly to catch back up. i managed to down 4 ginger martinis at silk before heading off to meet sweets, dk, and z for a design competition called cut & paste at the wonder ballroom. the design was amazing ... essentially, it was 15 minute rounds where the designers were working on machines that were being projected up on big screens so everyone in the venue could see their every move. was a very cool event. after some late night snacks at toro bravo, z & dk dropped me off around midnight.

saturday i had coffee plans with a friend (after 4 hrs of sleep) and then helped a friend move into her new place. after watching the dawgs win in overtime, i picked mac up at around 945p to go out. we met up with some friends of hers at a club then headed to holocene for double down. star was still there so i got to have one good last dance with her before she left. was fun. mac and i danced a bit and then sat and watched the crowd for a bit. had a nice time and headed home around 2a.

sunday i had coffee with star and got to say good-bye (she left on monday am). ended up helping my friend move more stuff and then spent a few hours in my studio drawing the plans for the revised outdoor cabinet. am starting to doubt that i'll be able to finish this thing before the rains come but i'm going to keep plugging away. problem is that i keep getting distracted from the task at hand.

so today i'm thankful for . . . new adventures and where they might take us

recovering . . .

so it's been quiet on the wires for the last 9 days because it's been absolutely crazy busy. my family arrived on fri, 9.14 in a whirlwind. they arrived 2 hours earlier than i expected them so, needless to say, i wasn't done cleaning & getting the house ready. i ended up meeting them at the hotel and then going to lunch. we ended up at chez jose for dinner and then i headed to the goodfoot for star's going away gathering. good music, good friends, good dancing. i got home around 1a after getting all that nervous energy out from being with the family. was definitely a good time.

saturday morning started with a trip to the farmer's market to shop for goodies for that afternoon's bbq at my house so the *fam* could meet the *friends*. the fam was amazed at the produce & flowers available at the market but were a bit stunned by the prices. that way of shopping is just so foreign to them. we got back to the house and my stepdad and grandpa wanted to watch the gator game so we turned that on for them and my mom, grandma, and i headed out the alberta street fair for a bit. my friend, jg, was going to be in the parade with the samba bateria he plays with. they're called the lions of batucada and they're so much fun! we popped into the mash tun to say hi to kim & then headed back to the house. the bbq was a huge success. had a great turnout. thanks to star, jenmc (and her lovely lady), lara & todd, sweets, z & dk, jg & osha, ryan, and angell for coming over to show the family some love.

after the folks went home, star and i headed to the florida room for anunce's 40th blowout. was lovely to help her celebrate the big occasion. i got home around 230a after helping mfp clean up and run some folks back to the house. had a lovely breakfast with star on sunday am before i met up with the folks do go down to the willamette valley for some wine tasting. had a nice afternoon which included stops at sokol blosser, argyle, ponzi and torii mor. stopped for lunch at the dundee bistro and drank so more. we headed back to the house and cooked dinner and just hung out.

on monday, we made the trek out to the gorge to see multnomah falls and vista house. made a stop through edgefield on the way back for more wine tasting and a snack. since tuesday was my mom & stepdad's birthday (yes, they share a bday), i made reservations at higgins for a nice dinner. was a great meal!

tuesday was a slow day with visits to my office so the folks could see it and then went over to the rogue public house for some beer tasting. grandma was coming down with a cold and wasn't feeling well so we just headed back to the house. anunce and mfp came by to meet the folks. was a really nice visit with them. was nice to hang out and just spend time together. remarkably, there was no tension! i think that's a first.

wednesday was back to work for a full day of meetings & catching up. i had plans last night to meet up with mac, a very cool woman i met a few weeks ago at pop tart. she's an amazing dancer and a hoot to hang out with. we can just talk for hours! it's so nice. we had dinner at crush and then headed to holocene to see some djs. switch, diplo and dj beyonda were spinning. the music was awesome. despite being a school night, we danced till 2a.

today i'm thankful for . . . being able to function on 3 hrs of sleep.

more soon . . .

a dark day . . .

six years ago today the world changed for a lot of us. even if you weren't in one of the immediate places, i'm sure you were affected somehow – you knew someone there, you were touched by the news, it made you political, you're by default still affected somehow, we all are.

for me, it was a personal day. i was still living in nyc (actually it was what finally pushed me to be ready to leave) and was riding the subway that morning as the planes hit everywhere. i had just gone under the wtc when they hit the towers. i had no idea what was happening at the time. just frustrated that my commute was taking so damn long. when i finally reached the office, i found out what had happened. i ran to my desk to call my ex. thankfully she had already left me a message that she was still at home and would see me there whenever i could get there. her office was 3 blocks south of wtc so needless to say i was relieved to here that she was safely back in brooklyn and not down on wall street. i was fortunate enough to have a place in the city to hang out until they opened the subways back up and i could get home. i think my most vivid memory of that day is how beautiful of a day it was and how silent it became at the drop of a hat. i remember walking down 5th avenue (in the middle of the street, mind you, not on the sidewalk) in total silence. there were no cars, no cabs, just masses of people walking. i remember looking up and just staring at the skyline because i couldn't get my bearings. i knew i was walking south but without the towers as the beacon that they were it was very odd. it was such a gorgeous day - hot, 80s, sunny, clear blue skies ... but then there was the plume of smoke rising from where the towers had been.

when i finally got home that afternoon around 4p, i had never been so happy to be there. we were without phones for awhile and the smoke was still billowing for a few days afterwards. i remember wanting to be around people - any people. i remember wanting to build as big of a community as i could. somehow i felt that it would make it all ok.

i had left nyc by the 1st anniversary. i don't think i could have stayed much longer than i did. but every year on this day, i get sad all over again. i remember the fear i felt that day and still feel ... but now i'm not scared of the events of that day (nor of the people that perpetrated them). i'm afraid of people forgetting the sense of unity we felt after that and letting the politicians continue to drive wedges between people for their own gains. it's so hard to remember the good that came out of that day when we keep hearing "the terrorists are gonna get us", "either you're with us or against us", "the war is making us safer", "you hate america because you're against the war". you're damn right i'm against the war. it's not the one we should be fighting.

thomas jefferson once said: "the spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occassions, that i wish it to be always kept alive. it will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. i like a little rebellion now and then."

so today i hope that we can all spark a little rebellion and stand up for what america really stands for and honor the true spirit of the day ... unity with diversity.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the fact that i survived that day as did all my immediate friends/family

weekend report . . .

had a crazy weekend but it was good. after my quiet friday night on the couch, saturday was a whirlwind. had a hair appt then met up with c for a wine tasting then headed over to the muddy boot festival to hang out with h and ran into some former co-workers and another lacrosse coach. got a call from sarah that she & her girl were going out and i should meet up with them so i did. we had a chill night downtown and ended up hitting a few different places before heading home around 130p.

sunday was planned to be a day of cleaning and getting the house ready for the family. as i sat in my backyard performing my usual sunday morning routine (breakfast & coffee outside while calling the fam), i got a call from star. she was calling to see if i wanted to hang out and go for a walk or something. it sounded like a great idea since i was completely unmotivated for my chores and i hadn't seen her in over a week. i got dressed and was off to pick her up. we ran a few errands and ended up down on hawthorne doing a bit of window shopping. was a nice couple of hours to just hang out and spend some 1:1 time. not sure how many more chances for that we'll have before she goes. (departure date is 2 weeks from today)

after hanging out with star, i stopped by anunce & mfp's place to pick some tomatoes from their garden and ended up at the florida room for a late lunch/brunch (ok, it was 3p but pancakes and a bloody mary still sounded good). got home around 4p and started cleaning up the yard and vacuumed the whole house. headed out to pop tart around 730 to meet up with star and her friends as well as my friend, geah, who was making her first appearance. had fun hanging out with folks and then the music kicked up and i couldn't keep still! ended up dancing with a very cool woman most of the night. was great to hear some mash up by some great dj's.

today i'm thankful for . . . unexpected fun and great music

calm and quiet . . .

been a quiet couple of days around the campfire. literally. been working from home, not really communicating with many folks as the wires seem to have gone quiet, not going out much . . . it's a friday night and i'm comfortably ensconced on my couch after a great dinner with jg. he was here getting the yard ready for the family visit when i got home from setting up my desk at my new office. we made some grilled vegetable pasta and salad and ate dinner outside. he was off with osha to a yemaya gathering. i opted out and am watching "what not to wear".

have a fun day planned tomorrow. will be doing the farmer's market in the am, a hair cut in the afternoon, then off to the muddy boots organic festival to see my friend who works for sequential biofuels, will be meeting c for a wine tasting at vino vixens, then off to see a co-worker's band at the hempstalk festival at sellwood park. who knows where i'll end up after that.

sunday i'm due to meet a friend, geah, and go dancing at tart. should be fun. star says she's not going. guess i should start getting used to not seeing her out. can't believe she's leaving so soon. i'm gonna miss her. just getting to know her has been a blessing. she's very cool.

today i'm thankful for . . . friends both new and old.

what a beautiful day . . .

worked from home today due to the office move. i slept in a bit and logged on to work around 830a (think i was still recovering from the hangover). brought my laptop outside to check mail while i ate breakfast and drank my coffee. it was a little chilly this am so i didn't expect to be outside all day but here i am at 515p still in the same spot i was in at 830a. the weather improved and now it's a comfy 73 and the sun is out and i can't seem to need to move.

tonight starts the football madness that tends to take over my life in the fall. will be making the first pilgrimage to luscious and the good doctor's house in about an hour for kick-off. will be a bit odd to watch football over there as it used to be my house. wonder how the pudge will react to being in the old house. it'll be her first time over since we moved. every time i've been over has been a bit odd. so weird to see how others change a place you used to live in (for 5 yrs no less). i'm so glad that they have the old girl now but still an odd sensation to walk into that house. i'm sure it's the same for them here.

well, it's shaping up to be another crazy weekend. have a hair appt, going to do a wine tasting with c, must clean the house before the fam gets here and have a few *dates* with various friends throughout the weekend. should be fun. hope it's chill ... i don't think i can handle another weekend like last one.

so today i'm thankful for . . . a comfy backyard and a nice day to work outside all day

now off to make myself some dinner.

it's official . . .

i'm single again. yesterday i went to the county office to terminate the domestic partnership. feels good to have that taken care of. met up with anunce at the florida room for a few cocktails around 630p - which turned into a drinking marathon until 130a. was so hungover this am. just talked to her and she says her liver feels like it's about to explode. i know the feeling.

had to make the cursory stop at burgerville for some grease and a fountain soda. that's always the key hangover helper. just add water and 2 tylenol and you're felling human again in no time. been awhile since i'd tied one on like that. but it seemed appropriate given the circumstances.

was definitely a sad day. not one that i thought would come all those years ago when we entered into the partnership and exchanged rings. i really thought this was the one. just goes to show that you never really know what's gonna happen from one day to the next so you should just enjoy the ride. have fun. enjoy the people around you in every way. and pay attention so you don't miss the big picture while working out the details.

so today i'm thankful for . . . closure

moving . . .

so tomorrow's is my company's last day in our current offices. thursday and friday all employees are being sent home to work while the movers move our stuff into our new offices. granted, the new offices are in a much better location and will likely not be prone to as many water leaks but it's still a pain to pack up your office and move it. the new office will be an adjustment for all as only a few executives will actually have offices. the rest of us will be in cubicles with most of us sharing spaces. gonna take some getting used to. i'll be sharing a space with my immediate supervisor who will only be working in that office a few days a week after december.

so today i'm thankful for . . . the ability to work from home - which is what i did this afternoon.

outdoor kitchen - stage 2

so i spent the long weekend basically working on the outdoor kitchen. while i didn't get as much done as i would have liked, i did get quite a bit accomplished. as you can see the base and 3 walls of the cabinet are up. while wrapping up and sitting in the backyard with a beer looking at my work, i realized i had a major design flaw that would need to be addressed before i could move forward. see if i build the cabinet as originally designed, it will end up with a counter height of 42". see, i'm short so that would put the sink at about shoulder height for me so i'll have to go to plan b.

plan b involves doing a two-level counter top. the corner closest to the house will stay at it's planned height to account for the height of the kegerator, but i'll drop the remainder of the cabinet down to be an overall height of approximately 32" (which is fairly standard for a counter). will mean a bit more modification and will likely mean that the cabinet won't be done by the time my folks are here but you live and learn, right? right. i could have avoided some of this had i sunk the concrete pad to the grade of the patio but it didn't seem necessary at the time so i'll have to adjust with the actual cabinet. i think it'll still look good but will be a bit more tedious to assemble. so hopefully i can get more done this weekend but i won't kill myself trying to finish before the fam gets here. they'll just have to deal with pictures when it's done. i think cleaning the house for their arrival is a more appropriate use of my limited time until then.

i'm beat ... gonna go take a soak and fall into bed.

so today i'm thankful for . . . my hot tub

long weekends . . .

today i'm thankful for . . . good friends

i know i've been thankful for them before but i could say that every day and absolutely mean it. this weekend has been full of good friends and i'm so grateful for my *crew* - all the different facets of it.

the weekend started with an amazing show by rodrigo y gabriela at the oregon zoo. if you don't know who these guys are ... go look 'em up. better yet, get to a show! just do it! trust me, you'll never be the same again. if someone told you that two mexican kids that used to play heavy metal then moved to ireland and all they play are acoustic guitars, you look at them and laugh. i understand. it's exactly what i did the first time someone told me about them. then i saw them and it was all over. amazing! it's the only word i have for it. what a way to start the holiday weekend.

saturday was spent with the masses at lowe's (returning unused concrete), home depot (buying the mini-fridge for the kitchen project), and the rebuilding center (looking for a used cabinet i could modify so i didn't have build from scratch - more on that later). i was successful in all places albeit unexpectedly at the rebuilding center. i didn't find a cabinet to modify but i did find a used sink and faucet for $10 - score! got home with the loot and then met up with abs to work on the evite for anunce's 40th bday party. ended up at the eroom with star and jenmc. it was the fob after-party and the place was *packed*! music was great and i danced for hours. was a great time. my friend kim even came for a bit despite her aversion to lesbians - never mind that she *is* one! ;-)

got up this morning at 10a despite going to bed at 4a - no good reason really. just got home and couldn't sleep so i started to watch a movie i'd tivo'ed. got moving around 11a when my boss came over to borrow some boxes for her move. sucks to have to interact with the boss after a night out and little sleep. met up with a friend for coffee at fuel cafe and then headed back to lowe's with c to buy the lumber for the outdoor kitchen. i wasn't able to find a cabinet to modify so i'm going to have to *build* one from scratch. oh, well. i tried. at least i found a used sink & faucet!

there were several bbq's being hosted this evening due to the long weekend. i made it to one - never quite made it to the other one. it was way across town so it was just too far to drive after a cocktail or two. was fun to hang out in the backyard on a beautiful summer night. the stars were out. it was quiet. home by 10 and am now hanging with the dogs on the couch. yes, multiple dogs. i'm dog-sitting this weekend for z and dk's dogs. they went camping to the coast for the weekend and always take suki when i travel so i have their 3 for the long weekend. crazy to have 4 dogs in the house. they're great and it's nice to be *surrounded* by snuggling dogs.

tomorrow i hope to actually build the cabinet. i now have all the materials and tools i need so i really have no excuse *not* to do the work. just got a call from jg - he's gonna come help me in the morning cut the lumber and then i can just build in the afternoon. shouldn't be too hard. it's going to be a simple cabinet - no drawers and just one door in the middle. i'm excited to finally have this thing done. will need to go back to the old house tomorrow and pick up the black granite i haven't picked up yet so i can use that on the countertop of the outdoor kitchen. i think it's going to be the best bet given the cost ne. so w (as in, i've already spent almost $500 on this thing. i've really don't want to spend a fortune more on a countertop. so whatever i choose has to be *cheap*.).

also tomorrow luscious, the former owner of this house and good friend of mine, is coming over to help me work out the plumbing and my friend sarah will be coming by to help me work out the electrical. i've decided to make this a full fancy outdoor kitchen. i even got a recommendation for a place just 3 blocks up the road that will make my awning that will cover the kitchen when it's done. i'm getting very excited to have this done. i know that time is limited for how much longer i'll be able to use it this year. but i know i'll be so grateful for it next summer when i'm remodeling the kitchen. after living through lea & finn's kitchen remodel, i understand how important it is to live without a real sink and fridge.

i couldn't have made it through weekend (and i still haven't) without my friends. nor would i have wanted to. i am so fortunate to have good friends. from the ones that i can hang with at the zoo for a great outdoor concert to the ones that will go to lowe's on a holiday weekend to help me haul lumber to the ones that host bbqs and just want to hang out to the ones that want to dance the night away. i'm so so blessed.

my mom rocks!

so, my mom and i have had a pretty interesting relationship over the years. life hasn't always been easy. she was a single mom and *very* young when she had me. i'm very glad that she decided to keep me. we've had our moments over the years that have been tumultuous and silent. we've really gotten close again over the last year tho. i think we've both grown up and learned to love each other and let each other be. we can actually *talk* about stuff like we never have before. it's pretty cool. i feel very fortunate to have the kind of relationship we have.

she'll be here to visit in a few weeks. this will be the first time she gets to see where i live. i've been in pdx for 5+ yrs and this will be her first ever visit to the entire west coast. will be nerve-racking and exciting all at the same time. my step-dad and grandparents will be coming as well. i'm going to host a bbq for them to be able to meet all my friends. figure it'll be the easiest thing to do.

then my mom and i are going to italy together in april. should be a fun trip. am planning to stay in europe an extra week after mom heads home. am really looking forward to doing that trip with her. it's been 20 yrs since we last traveled together.

so today i'm thankful for . . . my mom

impromptu dinners . . .

last night i had the pleasure of having an impromptu dinner with a dear friend of mine.

after driving all of her daughter's friends home, star came over for dinner. we got some yummy mexican chopped salads from aquí mexican cafe and sat in the backyard. it was a nice time. we just hung out and talked and sat quietly for a bit.

so today i'm thankful for . . . impromptu dinners with a good friend

reconnections . . .

so i found an old friend/co-worker/business partner on facebook the other day. hadn't talked to her in years and when we did it was like we'd never lost touch. such a nice feeling to know your bond with someone is so deep and strong than when you find them again it's like you've always been there.

so today i'm thankful for . . . social networks that allow me to find & reconnect with old friends.

mission accomplished . . .

well, part 1 anyway. my goal for the weekend was to pour the concrete slab upon which my outdoor kitchen will be built (hopefully next weekend!) before my mother comes for a visit in mid-september.

yesterday morning i headed off to lowe's to buy the supplies. i wasn't particularly motivated since i'd closed the florida room with anunce after being out most of the evening. we went to the opening of a great new store called olio united of all organic and sustainable clothing and housewares - anunce knew the owners. (shameless plug here – go support these guys. the clothes & housewares were awesome and they were really cool folks) of course i had to do some shopping! then headed off to kelly's olympian for a benefit concert for a co-worker of anunce and mfp's. show was decent ... i just have horrible memories of the only other time i've been in that bar. we dropped greg and mfp at home but decided we weren't done drinking so we headed of the florida room (never mind we'd *started* the evening there). at around 230a, i took anunce home and headed home to pour myself into bed.

so back to lowe's...i was fortunate enough to be helped by a lovely gay man named larry (at least my gaydar says he was ...it's been known to be wrong before) ... he walked me through what i'd need, suggested cheaper alternatives since i didn't need *professional* grade stuff, and even through in a few pointers. i had the 10 bags of 80lb quikrete loaded in the back of the wagon with a couple of 2x4s and the rest of the gear and headed home to start clearing the site. didn't realize until i got home how loaded down the car was ... the back tirewells were, at most, 2" above the tires. yikes! needless to say, i left the concrete in the car overnight!

i started working around noon and was able to clear the site and set the forms. i was pretty impressed by how much i got done. i called a neighbor and asked to borrow her wheelbarrow and set about doing other household chores (i've been very neglectful for the last few weeks given how much i've had going on).

so this morning, after another late night ... this time out dancing (more on that in another post later) ... i got back to work. unloaded 8 bags of quikrete and started mixing. man, they're not kidding when they call it 80lb grade ... it was heavy as all get out. seriously got my workout today!

but the end result is so worth it! i'm very pleased with it given that it's the first time i've ever done anything like this on my own. it looks great - not perfect but will definitely be workable. since it'll be under the eventual cabinet, i wasn't too worried about *perfection*.

am off to take a shower and then a cat nap. am having friends over to grill and get in the hot tub tonight. i've never been so happy to be a hot tub owner in my whole life ... well, except after i did the floors. hmm ... am sensing a theme.

anyways ... today i'm thankful for ... cooler weather and sunshine to help the concrete cure. oh yeah, and my hot tub!

company picnics . . .

so today i had to go play the political game at our annual company "luau". so the story goes that our company was *founded* by two friends as they sat on a beach in hawaii. so every year around the time of that conversation we have a luau. usually it's held at some random place and usually on a weekday toward the end of the workday but this year our COO decided to host it at his house on a saturday so folks could bring their families. i was not sure i was going to make it but got a call from my boss offering to drive me. now very few of the people in our usual circle were going to be there so she was hoping she could convince me to join her and her husband. i really like her so i told her i'd think about it. well today i got all the things done i wanted to get done so i decided it would be a good *political* move for me to attend. it was as expected. the cliques emerged early and the kids were all wound up. we were there for less time than it actually took us to *drive* out to the scary 'burbs. just driving through that neighborhood made me uncomfortable. we came and went but we did at least show.

the sun . . .

today i'm thankful for . . . the sun

it's a beautiful day in portland today and i have the good fortune of having a friend who's hosting a pool party. should be a good time. am gonna bail outta work a bit early to be able to maximize my hanging out by the pool time.

finish what you started . . .

so it's been 7 months since my relationship ended and as these things go it's been fairly *easy*and amicable. over this period of time, we've disentangled most of our lives and just had one item left to attend to – signing the papers to separate our domestic partnership. we had discussed that it needed to be done and that it wasn't an immediate priority when the separation first happened. but now it's been 7 mos and i'm ready to be *done*. our fair county requires that either both parties be present to separate the partnership or that one notify the other of their intent to do so via certified mail with a return receipt. i had hoped we could be adults and do it together since we'd both managed to show up to get *hitched* in the first place. when i was finally able to reach my ex yesterday to schedule said signing, she informed me that it would just be too much work for her to get there during business hours and could i just handle it and send her the letter. the only reason i agreed is that if i wait around for her handle it, it'll never get done. so today i dispatched the necessary letter and now just wait for the return receipt to hit my mailbox.

i guess i'm just annoyed that, yet again, i get left holding the bag of responsibility. she left and somehow now she's off the hook from signing the divorce papers. she could have at least had the respect to be present at the end of this relationship and finish what she'd started.

guiding spirits

today i'm thankful for . . . guiding spirits

since my introduction to yoga many years ago, i have been exposed to the whole new universe of spirituality. would not refer to myself as a particularly *religious* person (i'm a recovering catholic) but definitely feel that i've finally started to come to terms with my *spirituality*. i definitely don't believe that there's one puppet master in the sky – by any name – pulling all the strings. i do believe that there are spirits that guide us all. what we need and what we're going through at any particular time may change which particular spirit is guiding us at any particular moment. some spirits watch over us. some keep us out of trouble. while still others call to us to teach us something.

since my divorce two particular spirits have been calling me and yesterday i heeded their call. i had been reading and learning as much as i could about kali and durga for some time. have always been drawn to kali in particular because i've always admired her strength. she emits fierceness and energy but yet still maintains a nurturing side. i knew it was a big commitment to be a devotee of kali yet the draw continued. i decided that i was ready to carry her with me so i decided i should get her name tattooed on my wrist in sanskrit. my studies had taught me that she was the destroyer of egos and i knew it was a lesson that i needed to learn so i knew it was the right thing to do. durga is known as a great goddess and is the slayer of demons. the demons i am trying to slay are the impediments in my life caused by the old patterns which have guided me to this point. it's time to take control of my own life and live it as i see fit – screw what others think.

the more i read and learned about kali and durga, the more empowered i felt. the more i knew i had found my guiding spirits. the interesting part of all of my studies and research was that i somehow felt that i'd always been called to kali even before i knew who she was. i finally know why ... kali is sometimes known as the "mother of all language". well, that just was the final nail in the coffin for me. language has always been my love and now i knew why.

the two pics in this post are of my less than 24hr old tattoos. the top one is durga and the bottom one is kali. they're not great but i wanted to show them off. better pics soon after they heal.

farmer's markets

today i'm thankful for . . . summer's bounty

i went to the farmer's market on sat am for the first time in a few weeks and got all the fixins for salad. this morning i was inspired to pack myself a big salad for lunch because i had all the goodies in the house. the farmer's market is one of my favorite places to be. when my ex and i lived in brooklyn, ny we frequented the farmer's market and were so grateful for having a market that went year-round within walking distance of our apt. learning to eat seasonally was a struggle but now i can't imagine doing anything else. it became a saturday tradition for us to go to prospect park and let the dog run around during the few off-leash hours that were allowed and then walk to the farmer's market to do our shopping for the week. we'd walk home loaded down with bags of tasty goodies and fall onto the couch to enjoy a cup of coffee by 10a. the dog would sleep till monday and we'd plan our food adventures for the week.

when we moved to portland, that tradition continued and expanded. for the first few years, we just continued our sat market tradition. then a few years ago, we became members of a csa (community supported agriculture). basically, we bought shares in a farm at the beginning of the season and then got a box of produce every week based on what had come out of the ground from june to november. there's no planning of what you want to cook until you open that box every saturday morning. what an adventure! we picked a csa that had a booth at our favorite farmer's market. we'd open our box each sat am to see what surprises awaited us that week and then fill in what we hadn't received from the other vendors in the market. i felt like i had to document each week's bounty for posterity so i would unpack all the loot when we got home & take pics of it all laid out on the counter. i know, i'm a food nerd!

so this summer has been a little hit & miss for me with the market. it's been hard to go to the market without her because it was such a part of who we were as a couple. i haven't really cooked for myself much since she left. i love to cook for other people but can't ever seem to motivate to just cook for myself. so this saturday i made a date with myself to go to the market and get some healthy food. i have learned to buy enough produce for one because i hate to waste. i want to reconnect with the enjoyment of preparing and eating food in a healthy way and not just to feed my body. i have to learn to enjoy cooking for myself as much as i love to cook collectively. cooking with and for someone is one of my favorite activities. it's amazing how *inspired* i get when i have someone to cook for.

it's interesting to learn how different people learn to eat different things. i wouldn't say i grew up in a *foodie* family. my mom recently expressed wonder at where i'd learned to eat radishes and beets! there have been a few people in my life that have introduced me to adventurous cuisines (aunt lisa to sushi, my big sister to indian, etc) but i can only give credit to my love of food and being a foodie to my ex. she was an amazing cook and could whip up meals out of thin air without ever referring to a single cookbook (even though she owned many). she really pushed me to open up my palette and try new things. hell, she made beets for 3 yrs and taunted me with her stained hands before i'd even try them. now i love them and make my own beet pickles all summer long. so thanks to a for showing me how *good* food could be and teaching my how to *eat* both well and responsibly.